Thursday, May 31, 2012

Truth, Justice and The American Way

Wanna make God laugh?

Tell him your plans.

So the truth is I had a piece full of fire, ideological fervor and passion all fired up and ready to write and then life got in the way.

I had planned to show you the results of my canvas print experiment. You know back on May 20 I told you about Staples great deal on prints on canvas and said I was going to do it and share the results with you? You do remember that? If not speak to your doctor right away or simply go back through the blog archive.

Anyway I did it and got the result and it wasn’t what I thought it should be so I wrote another piece about how it had turned out and how it wasn’t exactly right and you should use caution, but if you thought it was worth a try then you should get Peggy to do it for you cause she is the Print Miester and then I said I would be publishing pictures of the result along with the original file so you could see for yourself and I did take pictures…

And they don’t show a thing. Apparently the white balance setting on my camera adjusts the wrong color back to the right color so the shots I’ve taken so far look much like the original file and not at all like the canvas and that means I have nothing to show for half a day;s work and now I’m up against it cause I have a writer’s workshop this afternoon and won’t get to crawl inside my camera and figure out why it insists on doing the thing right instead of the way I want which is wrong, but right for the story I want to do and if it corrects the picture back to the right colors then I have nothing to show, dontcha see?

So, I’m putting the great unveiling off for another day and going to my writer’s workshop where no doubt I’ll find that I have been doing it all wrong cause I’m a hack and I write hack stories and these guys usually burn to do great literature and don’t even know that Dashiell Hammett was one of the greatest American writers of all time and Raymond Chandler did more for the written word than all of the Great Expectations which has caused more people to quit reading than all of the ipods and ipads put together.

But you see I do want to find a publisher and have my stories appear in print even if the market for what I write died out when the Pulps were driven out of business by the gimlet-eyed folks of the American Decency League and why is sex and violence okay on television and in movies, but will rot kids minds if you let it appear in magazines which cost a quarter and have excessively lurid covers featuring nekkid girls tied up being whipped or nekkid girls in the hands of leering torturers which will be reveled as Nazis later in chapter five and the good guys will have something great to fight for cause you can’t leave even girls who get nekkid in the hands of leering Nazis.

Just remember that while literature makes English teachers all warm and snuggly it was Erle Stanley Gardner and Edgar Rice Burroughs who brought us Perry Mason and Tarzan and where would we be without Perry to right all the wrongs of the legal system and the ole vine swinger to keep the jungles free for democracy?

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