Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Paper Not Just For Painters Anymore

 
What are you feeding your printer?

If you are like most people you rush down to Wally World or Staples and buy a ream of whatever they have on sale.

Does your printer like it? You never asked? Why not? Would you eat Cream of Wheat every single morning for breakfast? No of course not, man cannot live by mush alone he must have English muffins, or a bagel or one of those incredible, calorie and carbohydrate loaded Egg McMuffin!

(Oh come-on you know you do it. I do it and I’m not supposed to, but the nasty little grease balls taste sooooooooooo good I can’t help it, Egg McMuffins, food of the Gods.)

But your printer has a much loftier aesthetic sense. It needs fiber and bulk, like mat paper or even photo glossy or what about something exotic?

You can’t do that. Printers won’t run on anything, but the paper they were calibrated for way back at the factory. And I’ll just bet you think the check is in the mail.

Okay let’s get the legal issues out of the way. Printer makers list a lot of stuff you’re not supposed to do, don’t use any ink but theirs, don’t use any paper, but the two or three varieties they recommend, don’t even think about using something not specifically made for printers.

You follow their rules don’t you?

Do you know why all of these rules get written into the fine print in the user’s manual, so that the printer company won’t have to do anything except count your money.

Printer Manufacturers are much like another group of entrepreneurs, you know the ones who hang around school yards and street corners? No not that kind, apparently they all become college level assistant coaches. I’m talking about the guys who sell unregulated pharmaceuticals from the back of their Cadillacs.

That’s right and they use the same sales pitch, “Go on smoke it, the first one’s free.” Or at least low cost. The printer makers price their printers so low that you just can't help buying a new one every third or fourth month. Then you load the cartridges and print a page or two and they’re empty and you trot off to Staples where you find out that the cost of replacing them is just a tiny bit lower than the National debt.

Those cartridges last about a month and you have to have new ones and that is what the manufacturers are counting on. Once you buy the printer you keep chucking money after the ink cause you don’t want to have to re-install a new printer and learn where all of the controls are.

So you slavishly use their ink and they head for the Mercedes dealer or the Riviera. Doesn’t make a lick of sense, use the alternate cartridges from Amazon cause you know ole Jeff ain’t gonna sell you something he has to take back!

And while we are at it the rule about using only the paper approved for your printer is also a big, bunch of prunes. Now it is true that a certain manufacturer, who shall remain nameless, but uses the initials HP, uses a paper path which curves around inside the printer which means if you use some other brand of paper it will get hung and cause the printer to stop so you better darn well use their paper.

Don’t buy it for a second. Or better yet don’t buy it at all. Buy a printer which uses a straight paper path. That way when you get a gift from Neiman Marcus this year, (Sure you will, cousin Bernice made a killing in Halliburton stock and will be sure to send you something you cannot use and never wanted, but it will be from Nordstrom’s or Hammacher Schlemmer so you can be blown away by just how much better she’s doing than you are.) you can save the paper for just the right moment when you get a great collage idea and want to use it, but you only got the one gift and there isn’t enough paper for that wall sized mural you envision, so what do you do? Run it through the scanner and then fire up the printer and make a bale!

There, I think that just about covers it. You can follow the requirements of your printer manufacturer and live a long and happy life together or you can come with me and walk on the wild side.

Yeah, well it’s wild for an old guy. Okay, so let’s say you’ve decided to ignore all of those rules and regulations in the user’s guide. Great let’s play!

Using another manufacturer’s ink in your printer will void your warranty, but it won’t screw up your prints. I do half and half, Brand X for every day and the good stuff for when I’m serious.

Tell me truly, you aren’t thinking about selling ink jet prints to your valued clients, are you? No of course you aren’t and with prints so cheap you don’t have to. If you are in a dead rush and just can’t wait there are two or three excellent printers right here in Coos Bay. Okay, one of them is in Bandon and they do Giclees which you are using regularly to document your work, because we talked about it several times during the year, right?

And if you have time Iprintfromhome is dirt cheap, excellent quality and the nice guys in the brown uniforms will bring it to your door, how can you beat that?

Same rule applies to paper, printer manufacturers make paper too and they sure do want you to use it. Their mat paper can be just awful, it ain’t mat finish and it costs as much as a new BMW. Try the ream of card stock Staples sells. It runs in most printers and looks great and it will not keep you from making the payment of the ole Ford this month.

The smart people at the Artist’s Connection spend a lot of time researching paper, watercolor paper, drawing paper, charcoal paper, pastel paper and newsprint papers. Don’t try to duplicate all of heir hard work. Let them do the grunt work and you take advantage of it!

But watercolor paper won’t run in my printer it’s too big.

It is that’s why God made trimmers. Cut it down to size or go buy one of the nifty, neat and cool wide format printers everyone seems to be making. I can remember when I thought a color printer was the cat’s meow, boy howdy, now they scan, copy and print!

I’ve used watercolor paper, Parchment and even gift wrapping in my printer and it still clunks right along, so long as the cartridges are full. Yours will too.

And if it doesn’t, remember what those nice folks who make printers have done, they’ve priced their printers so low that if you crater yours fifty bucks will put a new one on your desktop today.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

As Time Goes By


All shopped out, too many turkey sandwiches, too much football? What you need is something to look forward to.

A deadline! That’s right what you need now is a deadline and I just happen to know one or two or even three.

You’re almost out of time to get your ideas sharpened, your projects finished, your art prepped and packages for the Mother’s day rush.

What’s that? Did I hear “Oh give me a break?” Nope, that just doesn’t happen when you have your own business. If you pay the bills this week, there’s always next week and then the week after that and before you know it it is time to wrap packages for the Christmas season…of 2012!

Look, I know you are busy, so busy the beavers are staring in wonder at all of your industry, three prominent bee journals have sent reporters to get your story and oh yes, the ants want you to teach a class at the junior college, The Joys of Production.

But now is the time for all good artists to wake up and take a look at the upcoming calendar. (You did include yourself when you made those calendars for all of your pals and business associates?) Six months is the normal lead time for advertising, slick magazines and commercial film.

But you don’t do any of that. Why the hell not?

You have so much that you just can’t count it all, well congratulations, of course you know that by saying things like that you make yourself a target for the IRS and the DEA? They just love folks who brag in their emails and then there’s the CIA skulking around every cyber corner just hoping that while your are stuck to the sofa with all that Scotch Magic tape, you’ll slip and mention your numbered account in the Caymans.

But me, I’m lucky; I have avoided all of that Federal scrutiny by being brilliantly unsuccessful. That’s probably why I’m thinking six months down the road.

So after you wash your hands, cause counting all of that money is filthy work, you never know where its been and if you did you’d be using bleach or ammonia, cause the most unsavory people have their hands on money too and then they pass it along to the next guy and that’s how the Great Influenza Epidemic of 1912 got started. The only way to handle money that is marginally clean is to print it yourself, which brings up a whole ‘nother series of problems or to take the stuff someone else has printed and try to deposit it in your bank account.

When you get out of jail, start thinking about how you can get your hands on some that hasn’t been printed by any one other than Uncle Sam, which will bring you right back to the deadlines I’m talking about.

Mother’s Day, graduation and Father’s Day, they come in a cluster and seem to suck cash out of your pockets like a Hoover gone mad.

Now you know you can’t stiff mother. First of all you wouldn’t be here without her and second she probably shed bloody tears getting you to this point and besides she’s your mother and how can you stand there empty handed while all of your siblings show off and drop those expensive presents you wish you’d thought of, but wouldn’t have had the cash to buy and then you’re back at the ole inkjet trying to figure out just how hard it would be to print up a few G’s. (Hint* They just look wrong if you print them and cut then and try to pass them without so much as bending them once. Try this; run them through the drier a time or two. Now you do not want to wash them first! They’re ink jet prints, you throw them in the washer and you’ll have nothing, but blank paper which come to think of it might just be the safest course anyway.)

What mother wouldn’t want the gift of art from her own precious, precious? Sure, your sister and brother will hate you, but they probably do that already so no sweat there. But don’t just lean in the closet and pull out the first thing you lay a hand on, put some thought into it.

Why? First to shut up those brothers and sisters and second to make a good impression and last to be sure you get the full benefits of product placement. Big companies do it all of the time, they even pay the movies and television producers to let them stick their stuff in the middle of a scene where it has no earthly business, but looks neat so why not be sure you get to do that with your own mom.
I know it’s a filthy business.

So after you’re through shining on your mom on, how ‘bout little cousin Daphne, who used to be just Daffy, but hates the thought of that silly nickname and has even started spelling Daphne, Daffanie so that she isn’t just like all of the other girls on campus, but will soon realize that a city or country has no business hogging their names so she’ll come back from her freshman year as Vienna or Vegas and you’ll wonder what the heck you are going to do with all of that luggage you had personalized back when you thought Daffy was cute as a pin.

Sure art of any kind that doesn’t have Justin Bieber on it is wasted on her now, but she won’t stay this way forever and when she pulls the five years from now it will still be like it was the day you gave it to her cause being in a dark closet for five years will sure save on the wear and tear.

And besides she is so ambitious that she’ll be living in New York City or L. A. and that’s where you really want your art showing up, cause there are lots of people with more money than brains and they might just try to buy it from her and then she’ll be on the Iphone quick as a bunny trying to get old eccentric unspecified relative, namely you to cough up some more for her new apartment.

And let’s not forget dad. That’s the traditional thing to do you know. We spend like sailors on leave for mom and hock the house in Malibu to get the grad a present, but for dad, he gets butkus.

Dad doesn’t rate like mom which is even more reason to get him something really nice. Yes, a case of Heineken is a nice, thoughtful gift, but mom won’t be so thrilled and that can make for a bad summer and with the economy in the tank you’d best keep the options open just in case you have to move back into the room over the garage.

And while you are doing all of this take a minute or two to see if you can’t find a way to get some metrosexual Ad exec to take a look at your work. It might be just the thing he needs to flog Hula Hoops or Craftsman drills or that new stainless steel turkey fryer that your idiot brother is giving your dad.

It’s hard to think so far in advance, especially with Christmas breathing down your neck, but you have to. There are guys out there just like you, doing the same sort of art and they are hungry or homeless or they live in the Northeast where winter is a hard, lean time of the year and the frost on your pumpkins is three feet of snow for them, so quit your bitchin’ and get busy. Time’s a wasting!

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Black Friday is over and Cyber Monday is done for the most part, so now its time to start thinking about how to get back in the spirit after all of that cooking.

What? You were planning on leaving the studio closed up until after the first of the year? That’s no way to run a railroad or a business or a career.

You do think of art as your business? Sure there are plenty of rewards for those who do art for their own pleasure, but truthfully visual art, be it painting, sculpture or pottery is a social medium. It needs to be seen and to be handled or argued over. If it just sits in the closet or the studio it isn’t really being given a chance to come to life.

So closing up your studio until after Christmas and New Years is a waste of a whole month and you don’t have time for that. Any time spent away for your materials is time lost and if you have so much time that you can toss it away, you are too young to be an artist.

Yes, many young people know from the egg that they are destined to be artists. They start with crayons and move on to pencils, markers, water colors, (How anyone has ever managed to make something with those horrible tin trays we all used in school is beyond understanding. You know the ones I’m talking about? They came in a black tin box and had just a dab of pigment in eight or ten shallow trays? That’s right and you added water and within seconds the cheap paper you were required to paint on has sucked all of the moisture into one, giant, black blob?) Eventually they find or are lucky enough to be guided to great teachers and their skills are developed until they become artists.

A word here about teachers, if all you were ever exposed to were the overworked, underpaid clerks who slave in the public schools herding nasty, loud, wild and unruly children I am sorry. These folks don’t teach, they should be called Lion Tamers and given a whip and a chair. Amazingly some of them do manage to teach and some of the little terrors actually learn something in the twelve years they are sentenced to serve without hope of parole.

Even if you escape the public schools un-scared you may have been ruined for collective education. For some people, myself for example, the notion of going somewhere to sit with people I do not know and listen to someone I do not believe has skills nor talents is a fate worse than death. Now the fact is most, maybe even all, do have great skills and talents and might if I hadn’t been completely traumatized by my experiences in schools be able to knock some learning through fifty years of solid ivory. But alas, I was and they can’t.

So if you can do and if you can’t don’t disparage those who can learn in a group setting, let them be and go do something which you can do.

Finding a great teacher is a gift and when you do you should latch on to them like a lamprey and not let them go until you have vacuumed out every single shred of knowledge you can.

But say you don’t, can’t or won’t, don’t let that stop you. Many of the best and greatest artists are self-taught. My writing mentor and the finest teacher I ever encountered, Lawrence Block, (Tanner Series, Bernie Rhodenbar Series, Matt Scudder Series and many, many more), says self-taught is the ONLY way to really learn how to write. Writers write, Painters paint, Sculptors sculpt. So teach yourself. That was the way most of the great masters of earlier times learned, they served as apprentices until they were ready to go off on their own. No one to apprentice with, apprentice with yourself.

So if time is precious to you, (It has gotten a lot more precious to me, cause I didn’t know I was going to go down and it came as a complete surprise to me and it wasn’t my heart, which it probably should have been seeing as how I smoked and drank and chased after slow moving women until there weren’t any women slower than me, so winding up in the hospital was a big shock and I’ll be damned if I let another day slip by without doing something to keep what few skills I have sharp), get a move on. Don’t you dare lock up the studio. I know the kids are coming in from out of state and the Boss wants the spare room painted before they get here and then there are the Christmas lights to put up. You do know that it will take at least two days because you have to put them up, turn them on and then track down the ones that are burned out so that you can replace them and have a whole string that lights instead of just the first twenty or so?
It’s exhausting just thinking about all that has to be done in December. (I had my check up today and except for a tendency for my blood sugar to run too low I’m doing okay. Lost two pounds which is just about right on the strict diabetic diet I’m on and so I have nothing to fear…) I have one more trip to the medicos, my tooth, you know the one I cracked a while back? It has to be repaired and that will be a struggle. Do dentists ever get anything, but lumps of coal? The point is even with pain and suffering in my immediate future, I’m planning on working right up till the second Santa comes sliding down the chimney, which might be a problem cause the Boss has never let me have a house with a fireplace cause they are a bear to clean up, but the Big Guy seems to have found us anyway and never has missed us on Christmas so I’ll just keep right on working.

I am fortune’s favorite cause I never run out of things I want to do before I run out of the time to do them in. I truly believe that Writer’s Block is just what lazy writers say when they don’t want to work. I mean seriously, when your imaginary friends won’t talk to you you’re in trouble.

Fortunately I’ve never heard a painter say they have painter’s block. Face facts, no one would put up with a plumber who said, “I can’t work, I have plumber’s block.”

So since I am always brimming with ideas, try this…The Twelve Days of Christmas. Its not even December yet and you have most of the month plus this little dab of November left so why not do a Twelve Days of Christmas? That ought to keep you busy until 2012 rolls around. I mean just think, all those laying geese and swimming swans not to mention leaping lords and milking maids and don’t forget the drumming drummers or the fifing fifers by the time you get to twelve you’ll have a dozen canvases covered and be all sweaty and energized for the new year.

So get off your couch, set up the easel and start working! Calling birds wait for no man.

"Gift of Art”

Second Street Gallery in Old Town Bandon is showcasing local

artists through its “Gift of Art” Christmas program

which runs weekends until Christmas. The program allows

patrons to learn about various art forms and watch as it is

being created utilizing a wide variety of media.



On Saturday, December 3rd & Sunday, December 4th, Michael

Ousley will be painting, using color to stimulate the

senses, while illustrating the artistic elements of

expressionism and impressionism through his artwork. Michael

contends “I have been inspired and educated by the works

of the classical masters”. Having been employed by

Hallmark cards for a number of years, much of his work has

been reproduced in the form of greeting cards. Ousley

utilizes the creative process to illustrate one of his

favorite quotes from Edgar Degas, “Art is really a

battle”.



Joining Michael is Yvonne Ramirez Ousley, originally from

Arizona, where she studied Navajo tapestry weaving. There

she attended Arizona State University and studied art,

batik, dyeing, felting, spinning and weaving. These

interests led her to Eastern Oregon University where she

received a degree in anthropology, with emphasis in ethnic

textiles. Yvonne is a member of the local weaving guild and

the Humbug Mountain Weavers and spinners.



Second Street Gallery is located in the heart Old Town

Bandon and is open from 10AM to 5PM daily. For additional

information about the gallery, visit

www.secondstreetgallery.net or call 347-4133.



Richard Rahmlow

Executive Director

Second Street Gallery

secondstreetgallery.net

541.347.4133

dorothea tortilla



Unique Art Gifts

by dorothea tortilla/studio t.

Come Visit me at the Craft Fair!

Harbortown Center, Old Town Bandon

325 second St. SE

Saturday, Dec. 3rd 10 AM - 5 PM

***one day only***



art dolls, collage cards,

soft leather pouches & bookmark mice,

block printed items, repurposed Altoid tins,

mini assemblages, art spoons, Pop Art recycled books,

and lots more!

London Calling Exhibition at OCCCA

London Calling Exhibition at OCCCA


A formidable group of emerging Contemporary British Artists represented by the London gallery, Debut Contemporary, located in Notting Hill, London, set foot in LA from the 21st of December, 2011 to the 12th of January, 2012, to showcase their work at The Orange County Center for Contemporary Art, in Santa Ana, CA, one of the longest running co-op galleries in the United States.

Their roster of artists reads like a who's who of the young UK art scene, including Rosie Emerson, Tahnee Lonsdale + Agnetha Sjogren. Works by these and other collectible artists will be available for sale at OCCCA. We will be showing by appointment over the holidays.

Exhibition Dates: December 21, 2011 - Jan 12th, 2012

Opening Reception: January 7th, 2012. 6pm to 10pm



Rosie Emerson, "Goddess # 2"


Rosie Emerson has always had a long-standing obsession with silhouettes and female iconography, drawing reference from archetypes old and new, from Artemis to the modern day super model. The works aim to both celebrate, and offer a mild critique on the depiction of women, and explore her wider feelings towards seduction, aesthetics, objectification and 'spectacle' all interwoven within figurative works of art. Inspired to 'make real' her drawings, her work has recently moved into photography, which has bought the work full circle from it's roots in subverting fashion advertising using paint and collage





Lloyd Durling, "California"


Lloyd Durling's modestly sized drawings are made from an innumerable amount of strokes that form a field not dissimilar to thin washes of paint. Created using commonplace drawing tools, predominately felt-tip pen and graphite, the images are both animated and claustrophobic. Durling's visual vocabulary explores the relational and negative space, which is heightened by his employment of the silhouette. The production of physical form, albeit flat, is created by filling in the space directly around the image, or working "back to front." In Parade, the (positive) background, hashed out of a sea of silver graphite, creates a (negative) skeleton figure on the paper's white surface. Durling has illustrated a distilled lurking quietness in these drawings. Apparent tranquility is undercut by small pictorial details that suggest potential loss and offer a glimpse at possible catastrophe amid a quiet existence. Behind the inviting façade is the reality of how we could live with practically nothing and nothing practical.



Masa Suzuki, "Beggar"

Masa Suzuki uses traditional Japanese techniques of wood carving in the process of making works which focus on the differences and disjunctions between the religious practices and cultures in the West and in the Orient, and the `mis-readings' that occur between the two cultures.

Recent works relate to his interest in the homeless people who beg for money on London's streets. He is very interested in them because he feel that they reflect one of the ironies of British culture. Their lives are supported by the Christian virtue of charity. In Christian cultures, it is a virtue to help those who are suffering and those who are poor. Suzuki also believes in this Chiristian virtue of charity which has indeed helped many people, but also realises that it can be problematic-there is the risk that beggars may use the money that they are given to buy alcohol or drugs, which may worsen their situation.



Tahnee Lonsdale, "Albert Park"

"When I am halfway there with a painting, it can occasionally be thrill-ing.. But it happens very rarely; usually it's agony. I go to great pains to mask the agony. But the struggle is there. It's the invisible enemy."

I paint what I think - not what I see. What I paint is a reflection of me and an expression of how I view the world. Loneliness and melancholy are ever looming in my work. The lost and lone bear looking into the depths of a dark forest, a single character in a large paintscape. Although sin-ister at first appearance there is not anything to fear but fear itself. For instance, in 'A Forest...' it is the fear of losing oneself, like in a dream when something is not as it should be.



Twinkle Troughton, "The Secret of England's Greatness"

"I make work which is heavily influenced by Britain both now and as it was 2-300 years ago. I'm questioning a lot of our cultural habits inherited through generations. I guess I'm looking at how on the surface everything changes yet underneath many things don't change at all."

Please Join Us!


Seabirds food truck will be serving on the opening

Orange County Center for Contemporary Art

117 North Sycamore

Santa Ana, CA USA, 92701

www.occca.org





Opening events sponsored by Reed's


Orange County Center For Contemporary Art

117 N Sycamore. Santa Ana, CA 92701 www.occca.org

714 667 1517 · Hours: Th & Sun 12-5pm, Fri & Sat 12-9

1st Saturday Receptions: 6-10pm

OCCCA is located at the corner of 2nd and Sycamore in the Santa Ana Artists Village.

There is no entrance fee. Please see the web site for more

information, www.occca.org , or call the gallery during regular operating hours.

# # #

Orange County Center for Contemporary Art

Is an artist run California nonprofit corporation. OCCCA affiliate artists are committed to presenting contemporary art exhibitions in an atmosphere conducive to discussion without censorship.

OCCCA is a 501(c)3 non-profit corporation and all donations

are tax deductible to the fullest extent provided by law

Sunday, November 27, 2011

No Cal Second Helpings

There is nothing as humbling as drawing, sketching, painting the human body. Young, old, middle aged, it is such a thing of beauty and wonder. (Mary Jean Mailloux)
Nudity is a problem for Americans. It disrupts our social exchange. (Eric Fischl)
Painting figures is the hardest, certainly the most taxing genre, and you have to be the most on your game. If you have significant drawing problems, the figure will fall apart and it will read wrong emotionally. (Jacob Collins)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Make it So


There you are sitting in the wreckage of Thanksgiving, bones on the platter, gravy on the tablecloth, dishes piled to the ceiling, the television blasting the kids screaming, the dog spitting up something that’s either blood or cranberry sauce and the only thing you can think of is, “How can I get this cleaned up in time to make it to the Black Friday sales?”

Are you nuts? Why would you do that? You just spent the three most excruciating days of your life fixing a dinner which lasted less than one quarter of the Green Bay Detroit game and now you want to enter the most extreme sports event in all of history, the Black Friday Sales?

That’ll get you killed and having had some experience with that sort of thing, no not Black Friday Sales, the getting killed part, no I did not get killed, but I did almost die and that is a lot like getting killed and why aren’t you paying closer attention? Back to getting killed, you don’t seriously want to go out in that mad free for all do ya?

I didn’t think so. So why do it? You have an advantage over all those guys with the shin guards and the hip pads, you are an artist and creating unique and personal things is what you do all year not for ten hours the day after Thanksgiving.

Why are you risking life and limb at the store when you could be sitting at the computer making something that no one else could make and offering a gift so personal and thoughtful that it renders the recipient speechless?

I’ve all ready mentioned Zazzle and they do have a cart-load of things that can be worked up and sent out for Christmas, but let’s say that you spent every dime you have on that big dinner or the cat came down with a strange illness and the Vet decided that they needed a new Mercedes more than you needed your property tax money or that walnut dressing that you had three helpings of had a nut that didn’t get shelled and you bit down on it and your tooth cracked and now you are waiting with an ice pack and the phone in your hands for the clock to eek its way to Monday morning so that you can call the dentist and find out that he’s in Cancun and won’t be back until January, but he has a nice elderly doctor covering all of his calls, just leave your name and number and Dr. Kevorkian will get right back to you.

So you can’t eat any more and you’re gonna need an income stream for that dentist/Vet/turkey bill so why not use the time to make something which will save money and might be useful as a marketing tool?

Calendars. I know, how did it get to this late in the year without me noticing? Okay, so there was that pesky little hospital thing, but what’s your excuse? No matter, it did get this late and if you are going to do anything about it you have to get busy now.

As usual with my projects there are a bunch of ways you can do this. Most of you will have something on your computer already which will let you build a calendar.

For those of you with the high priced spread or the little, bitty, kid sister of the great PhotoShop, PhotoShop Elements, you have a calendar maker included in the program. I don’t like it much because you have to compose the pages and then send them out to be processed, but it will do the job.

Snapfish and Zazzle will make a calendar for you much like PhotoShop or you can take the whole pile of images down to
Staples and let their print shop do the do-wah.

But for me, the best way is to download a little free program, Daysease


and run it.

There is nothing hard about the download, and Softpedia is a reliable site. I went there today and downloaded another copy for my other computer to make sure it was safe for you to use.

Once you’ve downloaded Daysease run it and it will give you enough options to make any kind of calendar you like.

You do have to unzip the file, but you know how to do that, you double click on the folder which looks like it is wrapped in Scrooge’s chains and tell it where to put the unzipped file. I made a new folder and put it in Windows Program files, but you can put it anywhere you like.

Once it is unzipped you’ll need to create a short-cut for your desktop. Go to the folder right click on the flower and when the pop-up menu shows up tell it to create a short-cut. Then you drag the new short-cut to your desktop and you’re ready to go.

Each time you use it a window will pop up and tell you this hasn’t been verified by Windows. If that annoys you as much as it did me, just uncheck the little box which says perform this each time the program is started. That will get rid of the annoying Windows whinedow and the program will start like any other program.


Here’s the only trick to the whole calendar thingy, printing. Print your calendar page, the grab the end that comes out of the printer first and lifting the print by that edge load it back in the printer with the printed side down. Let me clarify blank side facing out, top of the printed side facing the sheet carrier, and the image on the printed side right side up. If you can read what is printed on the page it’s the right way. If it is upside down its wrong. Did that make sense?

Print twelve months of pages, you’ll wind up with one image and no calendar back and one calendar with no image back and hopefully that will be the image for January and the calendar for December.

I like to use comb binders for the spine, but you can do what works for you. Staples will do the punching and supply the comb for a minimal fee or you can just break down and buy a comb binder, cause you’ll use it for lots of stuff and besides it’s a business expense and with all you make you’re gonna need the write-off come April the fifteenth.

And now you know how to make a calendar and can thrill all of your relatives and business contacts with Studio by the Big Water calendars for next year and save yourself the pain and agony of Wally World on Black Friday.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Lights in The Heavens


Getting Out

What does it take to get artists out of the house and into a venue where their art can be seen?

It isn’t money. The shows at most of the local galleries offer rewards that would pay for art supplies and leave a bit left over for dinner. Go outside the area and the incentives are even greater. Some of the national shows offer prizes in the thousands.

It isn’t the challenge. You name it and some enterprising gallery will build a show around it. Within the last year I’ve seen Fish, Motorcycles, Text, Digital Images, Maritime, two or three Open shows and I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few.

It isn’t the quality. Our local guys can cut the mustard with anyone anywhere in the country. I don’t need to, but I’ll name names because the local kids are great and deserve a plug. Let’s start with Kimberly Wurster and Kelle Herrick, our bird women and then there’s Pat Snyder and Susan Lehman, collage artists extraordinaire, Dutch Mostert covers the waterfront, Susan and Steve Dimmock and Anne Sobotta create beauty with a camera, S.L. Donaldson has a palette like no one else, Jean Kyle’s vibrant colors explode off the canvas and Sherry Howk makes marvels from spilled paint, sorry poured paint. The list could go on and eventually I’d run out of gas before I ran out of talented artists to fill the list. Okay, the Charleston Gang lead by Charles of Charleston, it’s endless and that’s just a start.

So if talent, prizes and challenges can’t drag folks out of the living room and away from the television just what is it going to take?

Some nerve. No, I mean it it takes nerve to send your little darlings out into the cold, cruel world to live or die on their own merits.

Now there are those who will tell you that the jurying process is unfair. It is, get over it, the second you let human beings do the judging it becomes unfair.

What’s that I hear your cry? With the right standards it could be perfectly fair. Who says? That’s the problems with any limitations on art, who says?

Okay so we can all agree that the guys who do realism have something we can evaluate…can we? I know what a sparrow looks like, I fed the little buggars until they can’t lift off the ground and I can tell a seagull from a partridge even if it isn’t in a pear tree. But what do I know about herons or storks or egrets? Not a single thing and I can tell if it looks like it could fly, but not much else. That’s the problem, I just don’t know enough and I don’t think anyone else does except they guys who spend their lives trying to capture in ink or print what is perfect on the wing.

So let’s move on to something less concrete, collage. Now I know even less about collage than I do about birds. It’s not something I have spent a lot of time thinking about because when I do think and yes I do think sometimes, I think about my own passions, people, working people, beautiful people, naked people, fashion people, police people, fisher people and that takes up all of the space in my tiny little mind, so there is just no room for collage to make head way.

I know Pat and Susan know a lot more about it than I do and they do it a lot better than I do and that is just as it should be because you see, I don’t do it at all.

Have you ever tried to match a color? I have a bunch of times and except for the one time I got it right with the color of the ceiling tiles in the house which had turned a bit yellow cause they were really well past retirement age, okay, I did manage to match the color of the cabinets in the kitchen, but don’t tell the Boss cause I haven’t gotten around to painting them since I came home from the hospital and if we keep it really quiet maybe she won’t notice.

The point I was trying to make before I drifted off to tiles and cabinets was that matching a color is a colossal pain in the assets and even if it is institutional white it is harder than the devil which brings me to S. L. Donaldson, the girl can mix. Those colors are amazing! And no matter if she is doing something which I can recognize from across the room or something which confuses the devil out of me, I know the colors will be amazing.
Which brings me back to where I started, who says? There is just no way to measure objectively what an artist can create. The whole process of jurying is gonna be subjective and will tell you a lot more about the judge than it does about the art.

So why if it isn’t fair should anyone come out in the rain to show their pictures when no one will appreciate the inherent mastery in them, because they can’t agree or disagree with you or anyone else if they never get to see it.

The artists in our enclave who have reputations got them by showing their art, showing it at every opportunity, showing it to everyone who would slow down long enough to look and that is why they have reputations. You cannot get noticed if all of your work stays in the closet.

We have so many opportunities here on the South Coast, some of us moved here because of it, some of us landed here and fell in love because of it and some of us just enjoy it because it is here. Why not take the chance, stretch your horizons, nerve it out and show your work?

Then one day when I am listing the lights in our artistic heaven your name will be on the tip of my tongue.

Ava Richey's Art News

Hi Everyone,

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

This coming Monday there will be no paintout or paint in. We will resume on Monday, December 5, 2011.

My phone is 541-347-4643 or cell is 541-297-6118. If you have any good ideas of places to paint in bad weather, please let me know. :)

Thanks.

Ava

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Art Information:

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FYI: New listings have asterisks ***** next to the date.

If any of the web links below in blue are not "live", meaning if you click

on it and it doesn't take you to the website,--- right click on it and choose copy, then open your internet web browser, left click on the web address window at the top to highlight it, then right click and paste the web link into your browser and hit enter. The site should open.

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We want to honor the achievements of all you artists, so don't be shy about sending the highlights of your art lives.

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Artists' Accomplishments:

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Congratulations to Susan Lehman and Pat Snyder for being juried into the "Text Us" show at Umpqua Valley Arts Association in Roseburg. Susan received 2nd Place with her "To Be or Not To Be" collage. The show runs until January 6th, if you would like to see it, or check out pictures on the

website at http://www.uvarts.com/

Local artists Janne LaValle, Susan Lehman and Pat Snyder have been juried into the "Celebrate Arts! 2011" show at Florence Events Center in Florence. Lehman received 1st Place with "Shadows into Mist" collage, and Honorable Mention with "Inside Passage". Snyder won Best of Show with "Millicoma Wetlands I" acrylic painting and Award of Merit with "Bush Under Birdfeeder" in acrylic.

Congratulations to all these artists.

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November Sale: 20% off one item of your choice at Bandon Artist Supply

541-347-4482. Open 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. except closed Sun. & Mon.

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*****December 3rd - 16th fundraiser for Coos Bay Library, 541-269-1101 ext 228

Silent auction of several works of art, collector books and other items will be on display during the above dates. Bidders will be notified on December 17th. Examples are watercolors by George Vaughan and Helen Ford, a book, "The Spiritual in Art: Abstract Painting 1890-1985, and a pair of matted and framed etchings by American artist Paul Geygan.

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Current Shows:

Bandon Public Library November 1 -30, 2011

Cases: Pearl Maxner's "How to Illustrate a Children's Book". She has written and/or illustrated several books, and a coloring book "The Mammals of the Rougue Siskiyou National Forest." She is working on the second of a series of 8 coloring books.

Hallway Gallery: "Memories of Hawaii" also by Pearl Maxner. She has done three murals in Hawaii and one at the Library in Powers. You can see more of her work at http://farmgirlart.com/

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Coos Art Museum 235 Anderson Ave. Coos Bay

"Western Regional Juried Exhibition" and "People and Places"--Scott Berger, and Raku free-form pottery & acrylic paintings by Laurie Lee. Shows run through December 3rd.

541-267-3901 http://www.coosart.org/

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Coos Bay Library November

Wall Gallery: Allen "Tony" Adams' Paintings

Lobby Gallery: John Littlefield "Getting In & Out of Coos Bay"

Thursday Nov. 17th, 7:00 p.m. "Historically Speaking: By Land, Sea and Sky" H.S. Contino will be discussing the third presentation from her book

"Shipwrecks of Coos County'. 541-269-1101

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Coquille Valley Hospital, 940 E. 5th Street, Coquille, OR

Photography show featuring works by Kathy and Dick Chambers of Myrtle Point; Patricia Davidson, Coos Bay; Kelle Herrick, Bandon; Richard Kirk, Myrtle Point; Kathy Phillips, Myrtle Point; David Sinnot, formerly of Coquille; and Tony Spenader, Coquille. A portion of sales goes to the CVHA Auxiliary.

Opening reception Tuesday, Nov. 29th, 4-6 p.m. Show runs through February.

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Crystal Dolphin Gallery

1901 Sherman Ave, North Bend, 541-756-1989

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de Young Museum, San Francisco

Now through February 12, 2012

"Masters of Venice: Renaissance Painters of Passion and Power"

Legion of Honor, San Francisco

Now through January 22, 2012 "Pisarro's People"

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Easy Lane Frames & Select Gallery

3440 Broadway, North Bend, 541-756-7638

"What's New?". Features Gallery Artists and their new works.

Until Dec. 25th, bring a non-perishable food item for the local

food bank and get 10% off every purchase.

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Emerald Art Center

500 Main Street, Springfield 11 a.m. - 4 p.m., Tuesday through Saturday.

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Evergreen Court

Evergreen Court, Baycrest Village, 451 O'Connell St., North Bend, OR

541-756-7658

November 1 - December 31, 2011 features Coos Sand 'n Sea Quilt Guild fiber artists showing quilts, table runners and other items.

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Florence Events Center

715 Quince Street, Florence Call for more info at 541-997-1994

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Gallery by the Bay

2100 Union, North Bend Open MWF 10 - 2 p.m.

Paintings by Vanessa Jorgensen, Jean Boynton and Ina Christensen;

cross-stitch paintings by Meadowlark Molyneux; collages by Karen Lowe; jewelry by Patricia Worth; Baskets by Blue Rose Starr Eagle; and photographs by Andrew Lowe, Trish Heilbronn, and Kira and Karlan Bjornerud.

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Through December

Langlois Public Library 48234 Hwy 101, Langlois, OR 97450

featuring paintings of Sheila Oberg

Hours: Mon. 11a.m.-2 p.m., Tues-Fri. 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Sat. 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

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Maude Kerns Gallery 1910 East 15th Ave, Eugene, OR 541-345-1571

November 18th - Dec. 23rd "Art for All Seasons: Annual Membership Show and Club Mud Ceramics Sale. Opening Reception Nov. 18th, 6 - 8:00 p.m.

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North Bend Library November

541-756-0400 http://www.northbendlibrary.org/

"Memory Quilts" featuring work by fiber artists Kathy McLean and DeAnn Shaw

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Old Town Coffee & Gallery November

125 1/2 Nopal St., Florence, OR

Featuring author and artist Shinan Barclay.

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Pony Village Mall

1st Annual Veterans' Art Show, at the former Sam Goody store across from Claire's by the stairway

*****Awards Ceremony starts at 5 p.m., Friday, November 25th.

Show runs through November 27th.

Hours for viewing are: Mon, Wed., Thurs. & Friday 3 - 7:00 p.m.

Tuesday 12:30 - 7:00 p.m.

Sat. & Sunday 11:00 a.m. - 7 p.m.

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Artists' Loft, 541-756-4088

Gallery Artists Group Show

East Wing Art Wall (by JoAnn's)

The Artist Loft Gallery

Sterling Savings Bank

Ink Sketches of local history, lighthouses and more by Vern Barlow

Harry Ritchie's

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Raincoast Gallery

Featuring work of many local artists.

Gallery is open 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. daily except Tuesdays.

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Now through December

Southern Coos Hospital and Health Center

900 11th St. SE, Bandon

"The Digital Eye" showing art produced using the computer and various software.

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Umpqua Valley Arts Center, 1625 W. Harvard, Roseburg 541-672-2532

Symbols, Letters, Words - Text Us"

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Whistling Gallery

87456 Ste. A, Whistling Drive, Bandon (located in Laurel Grove, 5 miles south of Bandon.) A variety of artists showing 2-d and 3-d work.

Also in charge of showing work at Billy Smoothboar's and other venues for those artists interested in showing their work, contact Vickie.

541-404-7336, or whistlinggallery@gmail.com
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Classes

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Artist Loft Gallery, Pony Village Mall, North Bend. Call for Class

Information at 541-756-4088

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Brookings Area and more:

various classes are listed at http://wildrivercoastart.com/

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Coos Art Museum, Coos Bay 541-267-4877 for more information.

Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011, Solarplate Etching Workshop, Pat Snyder & Mike Holm



April 3, 4, 5th, 2012, Judy Morris Watercolor Workshop "From Start to Finish"

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Coquille Valley Art Association 10144 Hwy 42, Coquille, OR 541-396-3294

Painting with Pat Weaver 10 a.m. - 3 p.m., Tuesdays & Wednesdays

Painting with Anna Crosby 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. Thursdays & Fridays

Painting/Drawing 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. Mondays

Painting with Bunny Upton 12 - 3 p.m. Mondays

Woodcarving 6 - 9:00 p.m. Tuesdays

Wood Burning 10 a.m. - 2 p.m. Tuesdays

Play with Clay 10 a.m. - 1 p.m. Thursdays

Ken Means Carving 9 - 12 noon and 6 - 9 p.m. on Wednesdays

Quilting 10 a.m. on Wednesdays

Applique 10 a.m. Tuesdays

Stained Glass 2:30 - 5:30 Mondays and 9:30 - 12:30 Fridays

Fiber Arts 10 a.m. on Fridays

Yoga 6 p.m. Mondays

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Easy Lane Frames, 3440 Broadway, North Bend, 541-756-7638

Contact for information on a variety of classes.

Fridays, Watercolor Studio with Jane Snoddy, $10 per session.

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Freshwater Gallery, 236B Hwy 101, Port Orford (next to Paula's Bistro)

Sundays, 3-5 p.m.: Figure Drawing with Model, $25

Mondays, 5-7 p.m.: Seascape Painting, $20 per class.

For information: 541-332-8019 or 541-236-8077, or wilddoodle@earthlink.net

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Gallery on the Bay

658 S. Empire Blvd, Empire 541-888-3771

Lessons in painting pastel by Darrell Sanders.

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Heritage Textile Arts Guild

157#A, Pony Village Mall, North Bend

Lessons available in wearables, kitchen linens and gift items.

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Manley Art Center, Brookings

Call for class and workshop schedules. 541-469-1807

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Rose Palette, Pony Village Mall, North Bend. 541-290-7858

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Sage Place, 11th & Elmira, Bandon

For a schedule of classes offered go to: http://www.sagegallerybandon.com/

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Umpqua Valley Arts Center, Roseburg

1624 W. Harvard, Roseburg, OR 97471 541-672-2532 http://www.uvarts.com/

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Dateline Events:

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*****Friday, November 23rd - Sunday, November 25th 10:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

The artists of Whistling Gallery invite you to their First Annual Holiday Art Festival. Demonstrations, door prizes, refreshments & more. Local art, Local artists, Local Shopping. 541-404-7336 Daily gallery hours are Thursday through Sunday, 12 - 5:00.

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*****Tuesday, November 29, 2011 6:00 - 7:30 p.m.

Douglas County Museum of Cultural & Natural History, Roseburg, OR 541-957-7007, douglasmuseum.com

Opening reception for the art exhibit "Mapping Common Ground.", a collaborative exploration of the North Umpqua by Susan Applegate, Susan Rochester, Susan Roden, Susan Rudisill, plus guest artist Susan Comerford..

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**** Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m.

Gold Beach Episcopal Church Easternmost end of Moore Street.

Figure Drawing. To confirm & for more information contact Alexandra

alexandra@portraitsbyalexandra.com

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Saturday, December 3, 2011 10:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Coquille Valley Artists Association, 10144 Hwy 42, Coquille 541-396-3294

CVAA Holiday Bazaar featuring sales of members work including paintings, photographs, cards, handcrafts, pottery, stained glass and maybe some woodcarvings.

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Saturday & Sunday, December 3rd & 4th, 2011 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

1417 N. 14th St. Coos Bay, OR 541-260-7205

Holiday Open House: Artful, functional ceramics by Catherine


Walworth,(potter and clay artist) and Unique Jewelry by Matt Vegar.

Something for everyone. Photos available on her Facebook page.

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****Wednesday, December 7, 2011 2 - 4:00 p.m.

The Friends of the Coos Bay Public Library group is hosting a farewell reception for retiring library director Carol Ventgen. The public is invited to attend. Refreshments will be served. For info call 541-266-0150.

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Friday, December 9, 2011 5 - 7:00 p.m.

Coos Art Museum, 235 Anderson Ave. Coos Bay, OR 541-267-3901

http://www.coosart.org/

Opening Art Reception for "Wood Art Invitational"in the Mabel Hansen Gallery, featuring 10 wood artists: Philip Clausen, Thomas Clevenger, Jim Deardoff, Rick Fox, Steve Kuntz, Kenneth, Kenneth Means, Mitch Rolicheck, Charles Tatum, George Vrana, and Terry Woodall.

"Native American Basket of the South Coast" in the Uno E. Richter Gallery.

And also showing in the Atrium: "Charleston, Images in Paint". Featured artist & curator Charles of Charleston & Cohorts : Joan Goodman Fox, Sally Rolicheck, Sarita Southgate, Jean Adamson, Dutch Mostert, Nancy Berry, Carollee Tucker, Rod Sullens and Curt Hitch. (Organized by Joan Goodman Fox.)

Show runs December 9, 2011 through February 11, 2012

--------------------------------------------------------------Saturday, December 10, 2011 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. and

Sunday, December 11, 2011 12:00 - 5 p.m.

Many Hands Studio, East end of Myrtle Point on Hwy 42 next to the Veterinary. Terry Magill and friends will be selling paintings, originals & prints, jewelry, furniture, cutting boards, etc. and childrens' art. Refreshments and music.

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Saturday, December 10, 2011 3 - 5:00 p.m.

Backstreet Gallery, 1421 Bay Street, Florence 541-997-8980

Artists' Reception and Open House

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*****Sunday, December 11, 2011 1 - 3:00 p.m.

Bandon Artist Supply and Gallery, 175 2nd Street, Old Town Bandon

Opening art reception for Michael W. Ousley, and S.L. Donaldson. And Pete Bauer, whose beautiful wood sculptures

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Calls to Artists:

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Backstreet Gallery, Deadline 5 p.m. November 29th

1421 Bay Street, Florence 541-997-8980 http://backstreetgallery.org/

Little Dickens Miniature Show Entry Forms and $5 each entry fee due by November 29th. Artwork (both 2-D and 3-D) needs to be delivered on December 3rd or 4th, before 5 p.m. Download forms at website above.

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Whistling Gallery is seeking artists to participate in the Holiday Arts Festival

10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Friday through Sunday, Weekend of Thanksgiving. Artists can purchase a table for $10 to sell their work.

contact Vickie Eichelberger at 541-404-7336 or whistlinggallery@gmail.com

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Maude Kerns Art Center Deadline for entry is February 10, 2012

"Variations: Art Expressing Music" Submit images of 2D & 3D artwork in all mediums that is inspired by music or related to the theme of music. Supply five digital images in color at 300 dpi on CD in jpeg format. Work will be selected by jurors from the submitted images. There is a $15 submission fee.
Application forms & prospectus availabe at http://www.mkartcenter.org/



or call 541-345-1571. Show runs April 6 - May 11, 2012



Maude Kerns Art Center is located at 1910 E. 15th Ave. (corner of 15th &

Villard), Eugene. Gallery hours are 10 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. M-F,

Saturday--noon -4 p.m.

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Bandon Library Art Committee is seeking artists for exhibitions in both the

Hallway Gallery and the Glass Cases during the second half of 2012. You can

also put your name on the list in case there are cancellations before then.

The art can be paintings, drawings, mixed media, photography, and the like;

crafts, collections, small sculptures and/or jewelry for the cases. Please

contact Alexis Proctor at alexis2101p@yahoo.com or call 541-329-0530.

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Encie's Restaurant looking for artists to hang work there...

Owner Ray Arndt is seeking artists to display paintings on the walls above

the windows. No charge for hanging, no commissions charged on sales.



Space is 150 linear feet, 4 feet high. He prefers art that reflects local

scenes, landscape, flowers, etc.



541-290-4158 Coos Bay...former Bank of America building on Anderson Ave

between Coos Bay Library and Coos Art Museum.

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Opportunity to Sell your Work:



Kathy from "Katherine's" in Pony Village Mall (south wing) is seeking

artists to display art on Art Walk Thursdays from 5 - 8:00 p.m. each month.

The upcoming one is December 8th. The Mall will provide easels and tables.

Other stores will be doing music and appetizers. There is no fee, no

commission...it's FREE. Contact Kathy at 541-808-2248.



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Maude Kerns Art Center’s

Call for Artists: 2013-2014 Exhibits Schedule

Submission Deadline: Friday, April 20, 2012



Artists working in all 2- and 3-dimensional mediums, including

installations, are invited to submit images of their work along with an

application form to be considered for the next biennium (2013-2014) of

exhibits at the Maude Kerns Art Center. Submissions may include solo, group,

and/or themed shows. There is a $15 submission fee for individual artists

and a $5 fee per artist for group shows.



The postmark deadline is Friday, April 20, 2012. Application forms and

prospectuses are available at the Art Center or online at

http://www.mkartcenter.org



Call 541-345-1571 for more information.

The Maude Kerns Art Center, located at 1910 E. 15th Avenue at the corner of

15th and Villard, is Eugene’s oldest non-profit community center for the

visual arts. Gallery hours are from 10:00 am to 5:30 pm, Monday – Friday,

and noon to



4:00 pm on Saturday when exhibits are on display.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Miracles Happen

It has to be said, after a month of being hustled by every television channel, every hour of the night and day, every conceivable minute, the time has finally come for Christmas movies.

Oh I know it’s been hard to avoid them, The Hulk Hogan Family Christmas or was that the Gene Simmons Family Christmas show, it’s hard to tell. Hallmark has run them so often they very nearly forgot to schedule their own Halloween gold mine, The Good Witch series.

But don’t despair; there is even a Good Witch Christmas special, The Good Witch’s Gift.

And I don’t begrudge Hallmark turning up the heat on their sure fire winner and Catherine Bell deserves all of the success she has earned, so run those Good Witches until the big bunny hops into town.

But having said that, and knowing that Hallmark wasn’t the only offender, I can now relax, if I happen to see a Christmas show, I can linger and enjoy a guilty pleasure, cause the official Christmas movie watching season has been begun.

How can I tell? Don’t you know anything? Okay, I know it’s not your fault, your peers probably distracted you when that part of your education came around and for teens it is so easy to be distracted what with the rage of hormones and the clash of cultures not to mention the ebb and flow of the mood swings, it is so tiring to be a teen that you musta missed it.

Thanksgiving Day, when the bird is down to bones and potential tetrazzini, and the television has fallen strangely silent, that’s the time to spread an afghan over dad or Uncle Bob or Cousin Morty and surf through the channels searching for the one true, complete and absolute sign of Christmas yet to come, Miracle on 34th Street.

Of course I mean it. This is the correct and proper time to watch Miracle on 34th Street. For one thing you probably won’t be interrupted with orders to take out the trash or to find the big game or even share the TV with the kids and listen to that moronic dinosaur sing that hideous song for the eleventieth thousand time cause they’ll all be in a turkey induced coma. And secondly this is when the story starts. That’s right; Miracle on 34th Street begins with Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

It is a Christmas show and I won’t give away the plot just in case you have been living under a rock for the last sixty-four years or you were captured by Zapatistas and held incommunicado while they waited for your family to earn enough money for you to be worth a ransom demand and then their hopes were dashed when the economy collapsed and even though your people love you like family, well… you are family, they can’t raise the money to bribe a park ranger much less a band of hearty jungle rebels so they have to chop off your head and put it on YouTube and it goes viral and fifty million people see you the one time that you’d just as soon they not. Oh yeah, the plot, let’s just say that the USPS never looked so good.

So settle back, get something warm to drink, slug of high test optional, and spend a charming ninety minutes with
R. H. Macy and some of his employees. You won’t regret it and next year when the bird is done instead of looking for a game that might actually be interesting you’ll get the itch to find the Miracle and watch again.

Now a word of caution, do not be fooled by the awful, colorized Ted Turner abomination, watch the Miracle in living black and white like God and Jack Warner, (Don’t tell Jack I put him second. He never did think there was anything higher up the totem pole than Jack.), intended.

Why not put the DVD of Miracle on 34th Street on your Christmas list. Come-on now, you know that no one in your family is going to spring for that Viper you been hinting about and pardner, getting a Purdey isn’t going to happen either and no matter what the tabloids say, Kim K isn’t so broken up over the end of her marriage that she’d even look at you and just in case you think I’m only talking to the guys, forget about George Clooney too. (George has a line about six blocks long just waiting to be the next ex-arm candy so give it a rest and keep the old coot.)

My favorite granddaughter, yes, I do have more than one, when she was just six went out and bought a copy of the Miracle with her own money, (Not that anyone was a bad influence or anything), and let that be a lesson to you, if a six year old can see the need surely a grown person should have their own copy.
You can of course watch other movies, Home For The Holidays, directed by Jodie Foster and starring Holly Hunter will do the trick and Undercover Christmas is good enough to keep, Crazy for Christmas has Howard Hesseman, that’s Doctor Johnny Fever to you and if you don’t know who that is you shouldn’t be allowed to handle a remote anyway.

But no matter what you do, watch Miracle on 34th Street. If you don’t feel like running out to Wally World when it’s over and buying a present for your good-for-nothing sister who married the biker and moved to Eagle Pass and runs a bar/internet café with a very unsavory reputation, you just don’t understand, Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind!

And I’ll bet your Mr. Sawyer doesn’t know that.

Holiday Art Festival

Whistling Gallery


Holiday Art Festival

Friday Nov. 25th through Sunday Nov. 27th

10am till 5pm

Cone and sign up for door prizes 
You don't have to be present to win 
Artists on hand to show their work.

Fun~Affordable~Local

10% off everything in the store!


Wishing You and Your family have a Wonderful Thanksgiving

from all of us here at Whistling Gallery!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Night Before Thanksgiving

 
(with apologies to Clement Moore)

T’was the night before Thanksgiving

And all through the house

Every creature was stirring including the spouse

The table was set with the good china plate

And the turkey defrosting no doubting its fate

The children were nestled before the T V

And the parents ignored what the darlings might see.

And mamma in her apron and I with the cat

Had just settled in for a long recipe spat

When out on our lawn

There arose such a clatter

I sprang from the ‘puter

To see what was the matter

Away to the deck I flew like a flash

Fell over the dog, my knees I did bash

The moon was set, no light from the sky

I squinted and strained and screwed up my eye

I couldn’t see nothing

No street lights or stars

Not even the headlights from the neighbor’s old cars

But there to my wondering eyes should appear

A half naked UPS guy

In shorts at this time of year

He carried a box so big and so brown

I couldn’t believe it had made it to town

But there on the side

To my flush of delight

Was the Amazon sticker

A miraculous sight

“Sign here and I’m gone”

Said the UPS man

And I scribbled and scrawled

Made an X like the plan

He’d saved our Thanksgiving

He’d brought out the goods

A box full of pre-cooked holiday foods!

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight

“I love Thanksgiving, Christmas and all of those days

And I wish that they’d all just go far, far away!”


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Charge! Charge the Blockhouse!

 
Are you still allowed in the house? What about the kitchen?
It is that time when the person who does all of the cooking begins to wave a knife about and scream “Get the hell out of my kitchen.”

And why shouldn’t they, they have a job unlike anything since the D Day landing ahead of them. For one thing it has to be perfect. Sure you’re not going to lift a finger except to change channels with the remote and pat the dog, but come dinner time on Thursday everything on that table better look just like it came out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

You think you are tough, ever try pleasing a mother or a mother-in-law?

I’m not sure what it is that makes mother’s think their sons are prefect, but God lov’em they do, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. And beware the wife who thinks she can just serve up any ole thing to that perfect son. Why they were raised man and boy on mother’s love and home cooking and there is no reason why just because they married beneath their station and the wrong person to boot they should eat anything less than the perfect Thanksgiving dinner.

Even on fifties television they didn’t show the family around the table, and fifties television is broadcast straight from Never Never Land

A coupla years ago, Holly Hunter and Jodie Foster teamed up to give us a look at what the holiday feast is really like and it tanked. Yep, it went straight to video and all because it has a dark and less than joy filled view of what the traditional Thanksgiving is like.

But I digress, if mothers are bad mother’s-in-law are worse. They swoop down and start managing the preparations like Patton taking over Montgomery and leaving the head of the household to fume and keep silent, cause you know no one is going to jump to their aid.

So there you have it, three days of preparing to have everyone sitting in judgment like the Inquisition.

Oh yes, what if, of course this never happens, but say that it did, what happens if you run out of something and have to go to the store?

You remember those D Day landings? The kids on Omaha Beach know exactly what’s coming, knee deep in water with shells exploding and machine gunfire everywhere and men crying and calling for their mothers and that’s just the ones who forgot the list they were sent to the store with, I’m telling you Safeway is no fit place for man nor beast three days before Thanksgiving.

And assuming, you do know all about that word, right, assume? That’s right the old saw that gets repeated by teachers, mothers and bosses when they think they have the upper hand on you, assuming your survive the first five minutes and fight your way to the check out, there’s the line. Don’t even think about the fifteen items or less lane, its running slower than the others and that nice little old lady with the walker has three hundred dollars worth of groceries and six hundred dollars worth of coupons that won’t scan and she fighting tooth and nail for every one of them

Listen to me, don’t do it. Say after me, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!” Man up! Get your wallet out, the one that creaks because it is used so seldom that the leather has dried out and open it. Pull out three twenties and take your food preparation manager out of the house.

Our pal, Master Chef Jardin Kazaar is doing all of the work for you at the Black Market Gourmet. You can have Thanksgiving, enjoy the meal, eat till your eyes bulge and leave. No clean up, (That means no on yelling at you to get off the couch turn off the game and come load the dishwasher), when you’re done, you’re done.

You can even pick up a copy of Jardin’s CD, Ephemera and knock off Christmas shopping while you fill your tank.

Still undecided? Portside in Charleston is also doing a feed. The location is right on the water, with the birds swooping and the fishing boats unloading their catch, you get extra points for making the gesture with good atmosphere. And given the way things have gone this year you could use the extra points.
And what pray tell does any of this have to do with art? Food is art, if you don’t believe that you haven’t had a close encounter with a gourmet meal.

Besides, mood is what makes an artist want to hit the studio and burn the midnight oil cranking out another masterpiece while everyone else is watching the game.

So this year be thankful for all of your blessings and pass them along to the people who make your life live-able so that you can ignore them and work, get out of the house and let that poor, over worked, under appreciated food prep manager take the day off.

Nikon Small World

http://www.nikonsmallworld.com/




Nikon's Small World Photomicrography CompetitionSmall World is regarded as the leading forum for showcasing the beauty and complexity of life as seen through the light microscope. For over 30 years, Nikon has rewarded the world's best photomicrographers who make critically important scientific contributions to life sciences, bio-research and materials science.

Deadline for Entries:

April 30, 2012

Tiny Insect Portrait Captures First Place in 2011 Competition



Dr. Igor Siwanowicz's striking confocal image of a common green lacewing wowed the judges to capture first place in this year's Small World Photomicrography Competition.


To see all the 2011 winners, click here.

2011 Competition Winning Images Featured on CBS News Sunday Morning



Charles Osgood shares a gallery from the winning pictures in Nikon's 2011 “Small World” photomicrography competition.



To see the segment, click here.

Introducing Small World in Motion

Nikon has begun accepting movies taken through the microscope as a new category in the Nikon Small World Photomicrography Competition.

Entitled Small World in Motion, the videos will be judged and honored as a separate section of the competition, complete with prizes for first, second and third places.

To enter the competition, click here.

2011 Small World Judges

Now in its 37th year, the competition has featured some of the most esteemed names in science and science journalism on its judging panel, and this year is no exception.

For a look at this year's judges, click here.

Take the Small World “Identify the Image Challenge”

Each day, we’ll post five new images — can you match the correct description to each photomicrograph? To take the challenge, click here.

Small World on CNN

CNN News Stream recently covered the 2010 Competition, focusing on first place winner Jonas King’s entry.

To read the article, and watch the segment, click here.

Wired Features Selected Small World Insect Images

Wired Science Editor (and 2010 Small World judge) Betsy Mason writes, "They may not seem like creatures worth admiring when they are buzzing around your head or landing on your lunch, but under the microscope, bugs can be truly spectacular. Especially their eyes.

To read the article, click here.

Image of the DayNovember 22, 2011

Crystals of propionamide in optically isotropic medium (100X)

6th place, 1977

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Join the conversation 2011 Small World Calendars Available

Printed in full color on 8.5 x 11 semi-gloss paper and spiral bound for mounting on the wall, the 2011 calendar features the stunning images taken by the winners of the 2010 Competition.

For more information and to purchase the calendar, click here.

Small World On Tour!

Winning Small World photomicrographs are currently on display at a number of museums across North America.

For the detailed museum schedule, click here.

Sign Up for Small World e-mail Updates

To receive our e-newsletter and stay up-to-date on the latest Small World news, click here.

Browse the Galleries

View winning Small World photomicrographs by year dating back to 1977 or search for images by name, description, technique, affiliation, or location.

To enter the gallery, click here.

What Are You Swimming With?

An item on Fox News online features Small World photomicrographs in an article on microscopic marine life. To see the slideshow, click here.

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Complete information on all Nikon Instruments products and services.

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