Niche-less

This book writing thing was so simple, just sit at the word processor and let the ideas flow until you have enough for a book.

But now, once it is done, there are all kinds of difficulties.

Okay let’s start at the beginning. My writing guru Lawrence Block said, and I believe almost everything he says about writing, you might just as well write what you like because the likelihood of getting published is so remote you need to enjoy the work.

Now to me that makes a whole bunch of sense. You are going to spend a great deal of time with the work so you’d better like it. Writing a book even if you are colossally productive is a long-term project. At my best speed, (Okay so I do type with two fingers), is only around five pages a day. That may sound like a lot, thirty days by five pages equals one hundred and fifty pages or a good-sized novel, but the last three books I wrote ran over eight hundred pages each so that’s at least six months work--

But then life has a nasty way of getting in the middle of things and the dog needs to be let out and the cats need to be fed and then there’s the cat box, and sweeping, (Did you know that cats are not neat animals and can with little or no effort scatter litter all over a room in seconds), groceries, yard work and laundry and even though the Long-Sufferin is sure that she does all of it, some of it makes it way on to my plate.

So getting thirty days straight to write is a lot like finding the Golden Fleece, it takes a boat-load of heroes and a deadly foe to get to the reward

Really the only way is to carve out a little bit of time each day, so maybe that five pages is a bit ambitious.

So that is what I have done for the last lo so many years, I’ve taken what time I could and wrote what I’d like to tell and stayed with it until I could write The End.

And now, at this late date I find that all the Indie gurus say no, pilgrim, write to your niche. What the hell is my niche?

Well it turns out you should have one even if you didn’t know you should and finding the right one is paramount to getting your book noticed and adored and sold.

Gee, that makes it pretty hard if you never knew you needed a niche in the first place and what if your idea doesn't fit into any niche and how bad is it to be niche-less?

Apparently it is doom. That’s right, after all the years and months and hours spent writing the damned thing it doesn't have a niche.

Well you can imagine my horror. My poor darling sitting out there all alone, niche-less in a world of nichies and no hope of every finding an audience.

What do to, what to do?

Nothing as it turns out. I wrote the thing the way I wanted to tell the story and it is a damned good story full of action, drama, violence, humor, tenderness, passion and did I mention drama?

So here it sits all alone and niche-less and maybe no one will ever read it and that would be a crime, (Actually it is a crime novel), cause Ole King and the boys are fun guys to hang out with. And I should mention that Dakota Dallas the sizzling strawberry blonde and her pals, Moll the Doll Mackenzie and Maize do stir up some trouble.

Oh yeah, Harry Ray is going to try to pick up a horse, there are Brownshirts plotting against the governor, World War I vets left drifting and penniless, a prominent industrialist with a not-so-secret affection for the ponies, an old Chinese gent, a christening, a pick-pocket, a twelve cylinder Cadillac and then there’s an explosion.

But the poor ole dear is niche-less so maybe all of that won’t interest anybody.

No More Drawers

Just my luck, today is National Paperback Day and my new book is still in the printing process. It is available on Amazon for just a smidgen of its real value, but of course you’d rather have something you can hold in your hot, sweaty, little hand so looks like I’ve managed to miss another milestone!

This seems to be the one thing I am really very good at.

Since I made the decision, (I didn’t actually, the Long-Sufferin made it and lit a fire under my saggy ass), to publish it has been one mistake after another.

You see I was really very happy to do what I usually do when I finish a book. I toss it in a drawer (Computerly speaking) and forget about it. And while this system has worked well for me in the past, the Long-Sufferin felt more action was needed.

Now first I have to admit I come from a time when self-publishing was strictly a vanity affair. Someone writes a family history and wants a dozen copies for the kin folks, a poet specializing in bad poetry runs off half a hundred copies of poems for the seriously depressed, or a mad zealot insists his manifesto must be shared with the ill-informed public. The writer with delusions of grandeur contracted with a scruple-less press and sunk thousands of dollars into satisfying their ego.

But things have changed and not the least because of the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, I mean of course Amazon.

Now I am like most folks and not in any hurry to help Jeff Bezos in his quest for total world domination, but--

I did my due diligence. I carefully surveyed all of the publishing options from the loftiest of traditional publishers to the flimsiest of Imprints and after all of that mind-numbing research, I came to two conclusions.

Unless you have written something targeted to a market which will produce ten millions in sales the possibility of attracting a traditional publishing house is virtually nil. And to make matters worse you have to have an agent, also interested in a ten million seller, who will for the honor of flogging your book take at least ten percent of any sales. That’s right, not actual profits but sales. But no publishing house will bother with unsolicited submissions unless you do have agent.

Looking deeper I discovered a whole new world of Indie publishing. Not the old tired vanity press, but actual publishing where new and untested writers can get their work before the public. This was an eye-opener.

I investigated many and kept coming back to the obvious, Amazon’

So if the universe keeps telling you something you’d better listen.

Signing up with KDP publishing is a breeze. If you have an existing Amazon account you are ready in a flash and if not why not are you some kind of hermit or anti-social and refuse to come into the twenty-first century and I’ll be you don’t have cable or watch Netflix or even an electric toothbrush.

After signing up you do have to disclose some personal information, social security number, a bank account all the things that the IRS will need when you start getting those enormous royalties. After a few minutes hesitation I came to the realization that Amazon has so many paws in so many places they probably have access to all that stuff anyway.

Now you can actually begin to set up your books. But first a word of advise.

Download Kindle Create. Yes, you can use other methods to format your book and create a clever cover, but not all in one place. If you are sure you want to multi-market your book then probably this isn’t right for you cause it only works for Amazon.

But if you plan on focusing on Amazon this is the ticket.

There are a few quirks.

Kindle Create works best with Word .docx. Sure it says it will work with .pdfs and for some books this might be a good idea but hidden in some of the extensive text Amazon says for text heavy documents avoid .pdfs. I found this out after formatting my novel as a .pdf, several times.

And for those of you struggling to make ends meet like any good writer, you don’t have to sell your youngest daughter to the white slavers to but Word 25000 or whatever the current version is. No just download Libre Office, which is free and has the ability to save as a .docx.

Now here’s where it gets really interesting. KDP goes into a lot of explanation about what you need in the manuscript and how it should be formatted. And if you do it that way the Xanax will help some and those nice men in the white coats will give you a soothing injection of Thorazine and all will be well.

Don’t do it! Make a clean copy of the body only of your manuscript and load it into Kindle Create. Make sure you have edited it with a gimlet eye and a fine tooth comb cause this is going to be the guts of your book.

Once loaded follow the Kindle prompts to get all of the finishing touches done right. Then go over the copy with a microscope, Kindle Create does some interesting things with formats. If the copy is clean and you are sure it is SAVE and then click on the generate button. Now you have a publishable text for Kindle. Wasn’t that easy?

No but then you can’t expect doing something on your own to be as smooth as when you have a whole team to aid you. Just remember you are doing this because you didn’t want to see all of your sales go to somebody else, you wanted your story told the way you told it, you weren’t solely focus on sales.

Then good pour a drink, turn off the computer and forget it for today. There will be fresh heel tomorrow.

Shameless Plug

 

Years ago when I was young and foolish, but then I am still bat-shit silly so let’s start over.

I started this blog to bring attention to the wealth of artists living and working in the South Coast area. We have so many gifted people doing os many wonderful things it is hard even under Covid restrictions to find the time to cover all of them.

Now that the Coos Art Museum is open to the public, (Yeah!) we can go and enjoy the incredible works of Susan Dimock. I would do anything to create images as wonderful as those Susan makes, except of course spend the thousands of dollars on equipment, hours sitting in the icy dawn waiting on some damned bird or traveling hours with a car full of stuff to get a look at some rare and incredible bird. Okay, I’m pretty sure Susan is safe.

And let’s not forget the Wonder Twins, Jardin and Kristen, who feed us such delights, host our various parties and then manage to open their doors to an art show! Just not fair that two such nice people should also be so talented.

And I could go on and on mentioning the Art Connection where in spite of working with artists they manage to get all of the things we desperately need but lack the words to explain what our madness has driven us to use. What about the unsung, the crafts people, wood workers and potters and all those skills. Just cruise the Framer’s Market Wednesday and in among the lettuce and artichokes, you’ll find some amazing things.

And then there are the venue directors, like Janne LaSalle, Ava Richie and Susan Lehman who are amazing artists in their own right, but find the time to allow those of us too self-focused to know what day of the week it is to have a place to show our work.

It is a mammoth job to find the words to cover all of this artistic activity which is why I almost never say anything about what the Ole Trawler is up to.

Yes, the other shoe is about to drop, the Ole Trawler has an announcement.

My new book, the first in the Gonifs series, has just been put up on Amazon. Been a long time coming and as a first time author I’m guessing two copies would be a great sales record, but damn it it got done. So now there’s a link to the Amazon page.

No one has to buy but clicking on the link will make amazon think kindly of me.

Comon-a-my-house

 Only one day left to clear your schedule and see all the wonders at Art By The Sea's open house. You want to stay at home with the Thing on the Couch and watch golf? Watch golf? Not as thrilling as grass growing. Come to Art By The Sea and be surrounded by real culture. .