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Friday, December 31, 2021
Eyeing Art
Monday, October 18, 2021
Eat, Drink and Be Healthy
SO IT GOES COFFEEHOUSE ANNOUNCES SECOND LOCATION IN NORTH BEND MEDICAL CENTER
The new location is slated to open in November
It has been six years since the doors opened at So It Goes Coffeehouse and in that time the downtown Coos Bay favorite has become a mainstay of local cafe culture and an engine of the arts scene. This November a second location will open right inside the main doors of North Bend Medical Center.
The second location will be an express version of So It Goes Coffeehouse featuring an expanded lunch menu for customers on the go. The So It Goes team will offer locally roasted Bridgeview Coffee drinks expertly prepared, loose leaf teas, real fruit smoothies, grab and go breakfast, fresh So It Goes bakery including their signature New York style bagels, and a chance for North Bend Medical Center staff and patrons to take a breath in an awesome environment.
There will be slightly fewer punk rock shows in the new location.
So It Goes Coffeehouse 541.808.9333 190 Central Avenue, Coos Bay
Coming soon to North Bend Medical Center 1900 Woodland Dr, Coos Bay soitgoescoffee@gmail.com www.soitgoescoffee.com FB INST
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www.facebook.com/soitgoescoffeehouse
Sunday, September 26, 2021
Giving the Razberry
Carlie Philene is a full- time, local artist in North Bend. Her love for vibrant colors and self expression, fuels her creative passions. While it be painting, digital illustration or sculpting - you can definitely feel the love! Check her out on Instagram for more: @savagerazberry
Sunday, September 5, 2021
The Shadow of the Fat Man
Wanna know how to write a mystery? Read Hammett.
Hell you can even just watch John Houston’s The Maltese Falcon. It was his first film and he did what so few directors bother with, he followed the novel almost exactly.
Which is why the novel and the film have become the absolute lodestone for mysteries.
Now you can’t hurt yourself reading any of Hammett’s novels. In just five books he established the iconic plots and characters for mysteries for generations. The Thin Man sets the standard for couples sleuths, the Red Harvest is the inspiration for every Stranger Comes to Town Things Happen story and The Dain Curse is the most complex mystery every plotted. (Spoiler: The mystery is solved by the end of the first chapter). The Glass Key establishes the basis for political intrigue but it is the Falcon that makes murder magnificent.
And even though we love Sam Spade, (Ably brought to life by Bogie), it is the cheerful, jovial menace of Kasper Gutman (unforgettably played by Sidney Greenstreet) which establishes the one unbreakable rule of any heroic adventure. The hero can only be as heroic as the villain allows him to be.
No think about that for just a minute. Could Clarice Starling be as compelling without the ominous presence of Hannibal Lecter? Would we care about Nakatomi Plaza if Hans Gruber and his merry men hadn’t come along? (Made Bruce Willis a big star in one film) Would Bogie be Sam Spade without Kasper Gutman?
No, of course not. Oh we’d still love Sam Spade cause he’s Bogie after all, but would he be instantly memorable?
Take a look at the legacy left by Kasper Gutman and his alter ego Sidney Greenstreet, cause it was Greenstreet who gave Gutman his lingering menace.
There have been dozens of tries at making another Maltese Falcon, some even with the same name, (Anyone remember the 1931 or 1936 versions?) and television has done it endlessly, the good, Hawaii Five-O F.O.B. Honolulu, with Wo Fat as the jolly fat man, the outstanding Art Carney TVM with Lily Tomlin, The Late Show and the bad, Star Trek the Next Generation The Big Goodbye, with the lamentably named Cyrus Redblock ghosting Mr. Greenstreet.
And the one thing remains constant, the image of the jovial fat man as a deadly opponent and terrifying villain.
And Mr. Greenstreet did it all without a single bit of violence, sure he threatened and connived, but no physical intimidation. And that is why to this very day, in the next century, the image of a jovial fat man strikes an immediate chill, it’s Kasper Gutman come to get us.
And because of that reaction, rather like seeing snake, a spider or a great white shark we know things are going to get tough for the good guys. And they need to.
There’s nothing worse than an under employed hero. The poor guy sits around twiddling his thumbs, whistling Dixie and tiddling his winks without so much as a shadow to jump at. No unless some rotter comes along and makes things bad for all and sundry there’s no reason to have a hero. Might just as well be a Hallmark romance with everything working out peachy for the happy couple.
So to be a great hero you have to have a villain. And all the better if he is a really loathsome, degenerate, perverted monster. It’s hard to get your cape to flow if all you are doing is keeping girl scouts from be short-change on a cookie sale.
No you need carnage, destruction and the Four Horsemen, that’s the spirit and so much the better if there is no way anyone can fix the problem. That allows the hero to be clever too. Enter the next generation hero, the Hacker, the nerd scientist, even, shudder...a girl.
Yeppers, a girl can shrug out of her heels and stockings and sharpen her martial arts skills and become the hero, (Thank you Honor Blackman, Dame Diana Rigg, Dame Linda Thorson and Dame Joanna Lumley, the Avenger girls who taught every lady it’s okay to put up a fight), trading snappy come backs and lightning blows with the best caped crusader skill and vanquishing evil just like the tough guys.
But they still have to have that guy(or gal) with the mad on for everyone. Give me a villain and I promise a hero won’t be far behind.
So what? I hear you asking.
So this, you want to write a great or even a passable mystery, you have got to have a bad guy. You have to spend as much time on the bad guy as you do on the hero, maybe not the same amount of space, but the same amount of thought.
You have to remember, the foulness of your villain indicates the studliness of your hero. (Okay so ladies do not want nor actually have the reason to be studly, but they can be paragons with good manners and a highly developed passion for shoes.)
If you aren’t getting the answers you want from agents and publishers, maybe the catch isn’t in your writing but in your villain.
Friday, August 13, 2021
No More Drawers
Just my luck, today is National Paperback Day and my new book is still in the printing process. It is available on Amazon for just a smidgen of its real value, but of course you’d rather have something you can hold in your hot, sweaty, little hand so looks like I’ve managed to miss another milestone!
This seems to be the one thing I am really very good at.
Since I made the decision, (I didn’t actually, the Long-Sufferin made it and lit a fire under my saggy ass), to publish it has been one mistake after another.
You see I was really very happy to do what I usually do when I finish a book. I toss it in a drawer (Computerly speaking) and forget about it. And while this system has worked well for me in the past, the Long-Sufferin felt more action was needed.
Now first I have to admit I come from a time when self-publishing was strictly a vanity affair. Someone writes a family history and wants a dozen copies for the kin folks, a poet specializing in bad poetry runs off half a hundred copies of poems for the seriously depressed, or a mad zealot insists his manifesto must be shared with the ill-informed public. The writer with delusions of grandeur contracted with a scruple-less press and sunk thousands of dollars into satisfying their ego.
But things have changed and not the least because of the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, I mean of course Amazon.
Now I am like most folks and not in any hurry to help Jeff Bezos in his quest for total world domination, but--
I did my due diligence. I carefully surveyed all of the publishing options from the loftiest of traditional publishers to the flimsiest of Imprints and after all of that mind-numbing research, I came to two conclusions.
Unless you have written something targeted to a market which will produce ten millions in sales the possibility of attracting a traditional publishing house is virtually nil. And to make matters worse you have to have an agent, also interested in a ten million seller, who will for the honor of flogging your book take at least ten percent of any sales. That’s right, not actual profits but sales. But no publishing house will bother with unsolicited submissions unless you do have agent.
Looking deeper I discovered a whole new world of Indie publishing. Not the old tired vanity press, but actual publishing where new and untested writers can get their work before the public. This was an eye-opener.
I investigated many and kept coming back to the obvious, Amazon’
So if the universe keeps telling you something you’d better listen.
Signing up with KDP publishing is a breeze. If you have an existing Amazon account you are ready in a flash and if not why not are you some kind of hermit or anti-social and refuse to come into the twenty-first century and I’ll be you don’t have cable or watch Netflix or even an electric toothbrush.
After signing up you do have to disclose some personal information, social security number, a bank account all the things that the IRS will need when you start getting those enormous royalties. After a few minutes hesitation I came to the realization that Amazon has so many paws in so many places they probably have access to all that stuff anyway.
Now you can actually begin to set up your books. But first a word of advise.
Download Kindle Create. Yes, you can use other methods to format your book and create a clever cover, but not all in one place. If you are sure you want to multi-market your book then probably this isn’t right for you cause it only works for Amazon.
But if you plan on focusing on Amazon this is the ticket.
There are a few quirks.
Kindle Create works best with Word .docx. Sure it says it will work with .pdfs and for some books this might be a good idea but hidden in some of the extensive text Amazon says for text heavy documents avoid .pdfs. I found this out after formatting my novel as a .pdf, several times.
And for those of you struggling to make ends meet like any good writer, you don’t have to sell your youngest daughter to the white slavers to but Word 25000 or whatever the current version is. No just download Libre Office, which is free and has the ability to save as a .docx.
Now here’s where it gets really interesting. KDP goes into a lot of explanation about what you need in the manuscript and how it should be formatted. And if you do it that way the Xanax will help some and those nice men in the white coats will give you a soothing injection of Thorazine and all will be well.
Don’t do it! Make a clean copy of the body only of your manuscript and load it into Kindle Create. Make sure you have edited it with a gimlet eye and a fine tooth comb cause this is going to be the guts of your book.
Once loaded follow the Kindle prompts to get all of the finishing touches done right. Then go over the copy with a microscope, Kindle Create does some interesting things with formats. If the copy is clean and you are sure it is SAVE and then click on the generate button. Now you have a publishable text for Kindle. Wasn’t that easy?
No but then you can’t expect doing something on your own to be as smooth as when you have a whole team to aid you. Just remember you are doing this because you didn’t want to see all of your sales go to somebody else, you wanted your story told the way you told it, you weren’t solely focus on sales.
Then good pour a drink, turn off the computer and forget it for today. There will be fresh hell tomorrow.
Little Cat Paws
So I was saying, the cat.
Now what in the hell is he going on about now? I heard you say.
I talking about the audio book I am supposed to be doing as a tie-in with my ebook and paperback.
Now the good news in all of this is with fifteen years running a murder mystery repertory company. I do have experience, which means I am not looking for a narrator other than me. Saves a ton of money, (I work cheap, have a lot of time, and the equipment to do the job.)
Plug: I got a Jim-Dandy Elegiant condenser mic for the cost of four lattes and it works like a charm.
So I have all the equipment, the time, the ability, there’s only one thing missing, quiet.
Yes, I never noticed before but the average house is a thunderous place. The dishwasher, (Even though the Long-Sufferin bought a super quiet Bosch), the clothes washer, the dryer, the television, the radio and the cat.
Of all of these, the cat is the Spawn of Satan.
I was recording the other day, had a great run going, was on the last page of four difficult pages and yes, the cat started yowling.
I could have done murder.
He didn’t know and was just voicing an opinion of the lack of entertaining things for a cat to get into, so you can hardly blame him. But at that point I did.
Now I happen to have a nuisance of cats. For those unfamiliar with the term, that’s more than one and less than enough to qualify as a crazy cat-lady, cat-person. And most of the time I love the little fur-balls.
People without animals just don’t get it. You can spend hours watching them play and chase and scramble and fight and be endlessly entertained. You can pet them until they rumble and your blood pressure is down to zero. You can snuggle on a cold night/day/anytime and they will put up with you even when the Long Sufferin won’t.
They are the perfect antidote to Covid claustrophobia, they will love you when all else is terrified to get within a hundred yards of your rotting, diseased carcass.
But contrary to the mad poet who claimed “Dawn crept in on little cat paws” they are louder than a house Moose. In fact I’m pretty sure a Moose would be less trouble. Okay you got me there, there is no such thing as a moose box. But aside form hygienic considerations, cats are louder that the 1812 Overture.
And when you are trying to get a clean audio clip, noise is the enemy.
Oh, did I mention that it really should be a video clip? Yes, all this recording without the video is pretty much useless, cause the Kids have to have video to keep their attention. And even if I get the cooperation of the cats, my idea of a video is never going to make a sensation on YouTube.
I mean, just think, I’m flogging a book. There are no wailing guitars, semi-naked girls gyrating, long-haired boys in pants tight enough to cause gangrene to the reproductive system. Flashing strobes or a soundtrack loud enough to be heard in the Afterlife. Just a bewildered writer reading from his novel, hoping to catch some traffic when the battery on their Ipad/Iphone/Igaming console runs down.
That’s a big ask and a forlorn hope, but it has to be done cause as a first-time novelist, I have no fan base.
So I am back at it waiting this time on my prop to arrive in the mail from the wonderful Aladdin's cave Amazon. Okay so I know there are those who do not like Amazon and its founder Jeff Bezos, billionaire, space cadet, world domination seeker and entrepreneur. But I am not on that team.
Here at the edge of the world I would be left to discovering fire all over again if not for Amazon and its answer to just about everything.
But that is a take for another campfire. So it is back to the recording studio trying to get an even cleaner copy while waiting on my mystery prop. And dodging the cat.
Sunday, August 8, 2021
Opening month review
Well it has finally happened, the reviews are in, one review actually and it is positive. hat menas right at this moment I have 100% positive reviews! Great start nw I just have to wait on the next tenthousand.
Thursday, August 5, 2021
So Also Shall you Recieve
Art by the Sea Gallery and Studio invites you to attend our Reception on Saturday, August 7th from 2-4pm to view the woodwork of Featured Artist, Stephen Yates, and the new members’ show, “Textures.”
Stephen has been a gallery member for a number of years and produces stunning one of a kind tables, cheese boards, and bowls as well and paintings in resin.
Members will be showing works that feature a variety of interpretations of ‘textures’ in various mediums.
Featured artist, Stephen, will be available to discuss his beautiful woodwork, processes, and inspirations. Come enjoy the art as well as the company of the gallery’s various member artists throughout the day. Guests may also partake of our ‘grab & go’ snacks.
Gallery happenings can always be found on our website, especially new “Call to Artists” announcements and entry forms at artbytheseagallery.com or Facebook for the latest art news. And watch for our videos of gallery works on Instagram and our website. Gallery hours are 10am-5pm daily.
Art by the Sea Gallery and Studio is located at 145 Fillmore Ave., S.E., Old Town Bandon
Copyright (C) 2021 Art By the Sea. All rights reserved.
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Tuesday, August 3, 2021
Things I Lack
So in order to attract buyers to my book I have to do a bunch of things, none of which I am very good at. I mentioned keywords yesterday, the ones you have to have, which I still haven’t found and seem unlikely to?
In addition to that, you are told to search out books similar to your own so that you can go to school on the keywords which work for them. Which would be a wonderful idea if there were any other books similar to mine.
How ‘bout finding a mentor? Sure, just one little thing, the only guy who has an experience similar to mine is a die-hard gunny, with seriously deep-state leanings and a large following of guy with rebel flags and QAnon ideas, not exactly my target audience, if I had a target audience. Oh yeah that’s another thing I haven’t got, a target audience.
Ya see, I wrote the thing following Lawrence Block's sage advice, write what you like cause the chance of ever getting published is so remote you might as well write what you like. So I did, but now it seems you have to write to niche. It’s so confusing.
But back to not having things, so no keywords, no mentor, no similar books. No target audience, and that's just what I have discovered so far. Whew. It’s a puzzlement.
But the thing I do have is faith in my characters. I originally created many of them for a murder mystery play I wrote, which turned out very well thank you, playing to over twenty-five hundred paid admissions. The thing was, I discovered, just by accident, I wasn’t through talking about them.
One of the writer’s principals I do believe in is the statement, You own your characters until the minute you write them down and then they have a life of their own. Boy, did they ever. They started out slow, just a little Christmas story and then a story about King getting in deep trouble with the mob, (See the excerpt from yesterday’s blog) then a big story about Harry winning a horse for Dakota and then there were the Brownshirts. And that was just the first book. In the second book of the Gonifs series, The Wrong Broad, but you should read Jamoulks first. There’s a third book in the Gonifs series, Mishcaphah, all about what happens when Harry, Dakota, Dore Moll, Moose, and Maize end up in Hawaii-- but we’re getting ahead of the story.
The whole point is I had a lot more to say about these guys and they wouldn’t shut up until I told it.
That’s why I have a book or three about people I really like which doesn’t fit in any neat little
cubbyhole and makes finding the right way to promote it extremely challenging.So what else, oh yeah, the whole audio book saga.
It seems in addition to the Kindle edition and the paperback, I should do an audio book.
That would be a big problem, except I spent fifteen years running a murder mystery company, playing a new part at least every six weeks sometimes two or more at the same time and going on auditions for TV, film and voice-over work. I wasn’t half bad and so reading an audio book doesn't pose the same problems for me that it would for someone who has never tried to present a character.
Except for the part where it has to be recorded. Ever tried to find a totally quiet place in a house where people actually live? Oh and then there’s the cat...
Monday, August 2, 2021
Choices
Why would anyone chose to take on all of the necessary functions of a publishing house when they really didn’t have to?
For starters, publishers want a book which will sell twenty million copies. Now you may very well have written a book that will sell thirty million copies and if so then traditional publishers will cheer and start fighting over you. That’s what advance auctions are all about.
But if you are a first time novelist like moi, then the likelihood is you will sell maybe a hundred copies. Harsh but oh so true. The public just doesn't know about you and they don’t trust you and they don’t love you so they’ll head right to the latest James Patterson novel and so would you.
Oh come on, when you are looking through the new releases at Amazon, you start by picking out a writer you know. After all if you know them and you liked their last book odds are you will like their new book.
Then you look at the cover.
Yes, it is just like the flashing lights on a slot machine, dazzling and wild and so fascinating and you just love to watch. And if you think for one moment this isn’t true, just look at all those Robert McGinnis Carter Brown books. Sure when you were fourteen you were totally devoted to quality literature and never allowed yourself to be hijacked by a sexy cover. Yeah, that’s why every actress under eighty posts a new bikini selfie every other day.
Now I don’t mind, either Robert McGinnis covers or new bikini selfies, Heidi Klume could post more, but that doesn't do much to attract sales for your book, unless you happen to have a Robert McGinnis cover.
So you really do have to devote some thought to what you are going to use and how polished you can make it cause it is the biggest calling card you’ve got.
Then there’s key words. No I had no idea what they were either. Turns out you have to select five key words to direct folks to your story and if you don’t choose wisely you will drink from the wrong challis and turn to dust like the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
But then you have to guess what the best five words might be. Yodel is a good word, but it won’t attract much attention. And much as it pains me to say so dirty, filthy sex is great but might attract the wrong sort of attention.
Key words—I’ve fought with it and fought with it and so far the best one for my book is Runyonesque.
And what precisely is Runyonesque? It means pertaining to Damon Runyon and his New York stories specifically the touts, gamblers, grifters and the like well, you know Guys and Dolls.
Fine, but and I know this will come as a surprise, not a whole lot of people know what Runyonesque is.
I did find the tern picaresque, another good term, the story of a rogue, usually of low or common birth. Coupla heavy hitters in this category, Tom Jones, Moll Flanders. Huckleberry Flynn, but they are literary and my book is I am proud to say, pulp.
No not self-denigration at all, I am a happy pulper, along with Erle Stanley Gardner, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Earl Derr Biggers, Sax Rhomer, a fellow named Hammett and my all-time idol, Maxwell Grant, (Walter B. Gibson) These guys wrote for a penny a word and turned out some of the most wonderful stories ever written. And their characters, Charlie Chan, Tarzan, Perry Mason, Dr. Fu Manchu, Sam Spade and the Shadow, who wouldn’t want to follow in their footsteps?
But publishers today see them as dated stories and not the sort of thing million sellers come from, so my throw-back story, full of dem guys and broads and gats just looks like poison to major publishing houses.
But if they looked a little closer they’d see that the story is about people and their relationships, how even the most desperate and downtrodden can make friends, contribute and become more than they seem.
So circling back to the first question, why would someone take on all of the chores of publishing, promoting, believing in a book that clearly no one wants? Because I do. And I believe that if people meet King and his boys, Harry, Dakota, Moose, Moll the Doll, and Big Dore they’ll have one helluva time and want to spend a few hours in the dark and dirty streets.
King picked up the sack that held the can. “I guess these are yours. I’m glad to be rid of them. I don’t like so much excitement.” He handed the sack to Dore.
Moll swatted the big man on the back of his head.
“Julian?”
“Yeah, right Moll, I know what to do.” He gave Moose the sack. “Look, Mr. King, Moll and me we’ve been talking. She, I think you cleared up a big mess that could have gotten way out of hand so I think I owes you for what you done. Now being as how you is an independent sort of man, I won’t give you no job or nothing like that. You need your free time. But I do have something I think will come in handy.”
Moose fished in his pocket and handed Dore a key.
“Me and Moose had us a talk with the boys at the Steak Out. They think that they ain’t done right by youse. So from now on, you want to eat with the swells, you got a table. You want a private party? You go to the front door, the back door, whatever and you tell’em and they’ll bring it anywhere you want it. You want a picnic? They’ll drive you there, they’ll spread the blanket and they’ll sing sweet songs for your dining pleasure. And because I know you lost your home helping me out, I think youse should get a new one from Snorky. So, here are the keys to his Cadillac. I’m having the boys park it in the alley behind the Steak Out.”
King looked up. “Look Dore, this is real nice, but I don’t need a car.”
“Think of it as a new house. It has more room than a...?”
“Crate,” Moll nodded.
“Yeah, right, a crate. The boys are gonna come down once a week to wash and wax it for you. They are gonna check the battery and the oil and start it for you on Saturdays. And if they miss one meal or don’t show up to wash your house, me and Moose is coming back and there will be a change of management at the Steak Out, see?”
But King was already thinking about his new house. Windows and leather seats and he could store his treasures in the boot, but his face clouded, “What happens if Snorky comes back?”
“He ain’t coming back.”
“How do you know?”
“Julian, ixnay opcay niay hetay extnay oomray.”
Dore looked at Moll with a blank expression and she kicked him in the shin, very hard.
“Oh, right Moll. Moose had a talk with him, right Moose?”
“Right, Boss. He said he’d like to put down roots and maybe get a little plot of land and he don’t need the car no more,” Moose folded his arms across his chest.
Sunday, August 1, 2021
The Zombie Apocalypse is Coming
Saturday, July 31, 2021
Niche-less
This book writing thing was so simple, just sit at the word processor and let the ideas flow until you have enough for a book.
But now, once it is done, there are all kinds of difficulties.
Okay let’s start at the beginning. My writing guru Lawrence Block said, and I believe almost everything he says about writing, you might just as well write what you like because the likelihood of getting published is so remote you need to enjoy the work.
Now to me that makes a whole bunch of sense. You are going to spend a great deal of time with the work so you’d better like it. Writing a book even if you are colossally productive is a long-term project. At my best speed, (Okay so I do type with two fingers), is only around five pages a day. That may sound like a lot, thirty days by five pages equals one hundred and fifty pages or a good-sized novel, but the last three books I wrote ran over eight hundred pages each so that’s at least six months work--
But then life has a nasty way of getting in the middle of things and the dog needs to be let out and the cats need to be fed and then there’s the cat box, and sweeping, (Did you know that cats are not neat animals and can with little or no effort scatter litter all over a room in seconds), groceries, yard work and laundry and even though the Long-Sufferin is sure that she does all of it, some of it makes it way on to my plate.
So getting thirty days straight to write is a lot like finding the Golden Fleece, it takes a boat-load of heroes and a deadly foe to get to the reward
Really the only way is to carve out a little bit of time each day, so maybe that five pages is a bit ambitious.
So that is what I have done for the last lo so many years, I’ve taken what time I could and wrote what I’d like to tell and stayed with it until I could write The End.
And now, at this late date I find that all the Indie gurus say no, pilgrim, write to your niche. What the hell is my niche?
Well it turns out you should have one even if you didn’t know you should and finding the right one is paramount to getting your book noticed and adored and sold.
Gee, that makes it pretty hard if you never knew you needed a niche in the first place and what if your idea doesn't fit into any niche and how bad is it to be niche-less?
Apparently it is doom. That’s right, after all the years and months and hours spent writing the damned thing it doesn't have a niche.
Well you can imagine my horror. My poor darling sitting out there all alone, niche-less in a world of nichies and no hope of every finding an audience.
What do to, what to do?
Nothing as it turns out. I wrote the thing the way I wanted to tell the story and it is a damned good story full of action, drama, violence, humor, tenderness, passion and did I mention drama?
So here it sits all alone and niche-less and maybe no one will ever read it and that would be a crime, (Actually it is a crime novel), cause Ole King and the boys are fun guys to hang out with. And I should mention that Dakota Dallas the sizzling strawberry blonde and her pals, Moll the Doll Mackenzie and Maize do stir up some trouble.
Oh yeah, Harry Ray is going to try to pick up a horse, there are Brownshirts plotting against the governor, World War I vets left drifting and penniless, a prominent industrialist with a not-so-secret affection for the ponies, an old Chinese gent, a christening, a pick-pocket, a twelve cylinder Cadillac and then there’s an explosion.
But the poor ole dear is niche-less so maybe all of that won’t interest anybody.
Friday, July 30, 2021
No More Drawers
Just my luck, today is National Paperback Day and my new book is still in the printing process. It is available on Amazon for just a smidgen of its real value, but of course you’d rather have something you can hold in your hot, sweaty, little hand so looks like I’ve managed to miss another milestone!
This seems to be the one thing I am really very good at.
Since I made the decision, (I didn’t actually, the Long-Sufferin made it and lit a fire under my saggy ass), to publish it has been one mistake after another.
You see I was really very happy to do what I usually do when I finish a book. I toss it in a drawer (Computerly speaking) and forget about it. And while this system has worked well for me in the past, the Long-Sufferin felt more action was needed.
Now first I have to admit I come from a time when self-publishing was strictly a vanity affair. Someone writes a family history and wants a dozen copies for the kin folks, a poet specializing in bad poetry runs off half a hundred copies of poems for the seriously depressed, or a mad zealot insists his manifesto must be shared with the ill-informed public. The writer with delusions of grandeur contracted with a scruple-less press and sunk thousands of dollars into satisfying their ego.
But things have changed and not the least because of the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, I mean of course Amazon.
Now I am like most folks and not in any hurry to help Jeff Bezos in his quest for total world domination, but--
I did my due diligence. I carefully surveyed all of the publishing options from the loftiest of traditional publishers to the flimsiest of Imprints and after all of that mind-numbing research, I came to two conclusions.
Unless you have written something targeted to a market which will produce ten millions in sales the possibility of attracting a traditional publishing house is virtually nil. And to make matters worse you have to have an agent, also interested in a ten million seller, who will for the honor of flogging your book take at least ten percent of any sales. That’s right, not actual profits but sales. But no publishing house will bother with unsolicited submissions unless you do have agent.
Looking deeper I discovered a whole new world of Indie publishing. Not the old tired vanity press, but actual publishing where new and untested writers can get their work before the public. This was an eye-opener.
I investigated many and kept coming back to the obvious, Amazon’
So if the universe keeps telling you something you’d better listen.
Signing up with KDP publishing is a breeze. If you have an existing Amazon account you are ready in a flash and if not why not are you some kind of hermit or anti-social and refuse to come into the twenty-first century and I’ll be you don’t have cable or watch Netflix or even an electric toothbrush.
After signing up you do have to disclose some personal information, social security number, a bank account all the things that the IRS will need when you start getting those enormous royalties. After a few minutes hesitation I came to the realization that Amazon has so many paws in so many places they probably have access to all that stuff anyway.
Now you can actually begin to set up your books. But first a word of advise.
Download Kindle Create. Yes, you can use other methods to format your book and create a clever cover, but not all in one place. If you are sure you want to multi-market your book then probably this isn’t right for you cause it only works for Amazon.
But if you plan on focusing on Amazon this is the ticket.
There are a few quirks.
Kindle Create works best with Word .docx. Sure it says it will work with .pdfs and for some books this might be a good idea but hidden in some of the extensive text Amazon says for text heavy documents avoid .pdfs. I found this out after formatting my novel as a .pdf, several times.
And for those of you struggling to make ends meet like any good writer, you don’t have to sell your youngest daughter to the white slavers to but Word 25000 or whatever the current version is. No just download Libre Office, which is free and has the ability to save as a .docx.
Now here’s where it gets really interesting. KDP goes into a lot of explanation about what you need in the manuscript and how it should be formatted. And if you do it that way the Xanax will help some and those nice men in the white coats will give you a soothing injection of Thorazine and all will be well.
Don’t do it! Make a clean copy of the body only of your manuscript and load it into Kindle Create. Make sure you have edited it with a gimlet eye and a fine tooth comb cause this is going to be the guts of your book.
Once loaded follow the Kindle prompts to get all of the finishing touches done right. Then go over the copy with a microscope, Kindle Create does some interesting things with formats. If the copy is clean and you are sure it is SAVE and then click on the generate button. Now you have a publishable text for Kindle. Wasn’t that easy?
No but then you can’t expect doing something on your own to be as smooth as when you have a whole team to aid you. Just remember you are doing this because you didn’t want to see all of your sales go to somebody else, you wanted your story told the way you told it, you weren’t solely focus on sales.
Then good pour a drink, turn off the computer and forget it for today. There will be fresh heel tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 28, 2021
Shameless Plug
Years ago when I was young and foolish, but then I am still bat-shit silly so let’s start over.
I started this blog to bring attention to the wealth of artists living and working in the South Coast area. We have so many gifted people doing os many wonderful things it is hard even under Covid restrictions to find the time to cover all of them.
Now that the Coos Art Museum is open to the public, (Yeah!) we can go and enjoy the incredible works of Susan Dimock. I would do anything to create images as wonderful as those Susan makes, except of course spend the thousands of dollars on equipment, hours sitting in the icy dawn waiting on some damned bird or traveling hours with a car full of stuff to get a look at some rare and incredible bird. Okay, I’m pretty sure Susan is safe.
And let’s not forget the Wonder Twins, Jardin and Kristen, who feed us such delights, host our various parties and then manage to open their doors to an art show! Just not fair that two such nice people should also be so talented.
And I could go on and on mentioning the Art Connection where in spite of working with artists they manage to get all of the things we desperately need but lack the words to explain what our madness has driven us to use. What about the unsung, the crafts people, wood workers and potters and all those skills. Just cruise the Framer’s Market Wednesday and in among the lettuce and artichokes, you’ll find some amazing things.
And then there are the venue directors, like Janne LaSalle, Ava Richie and Susan Lehman who are amazing artists in their own right, but find the time to allow those of us too self-focused to know what day of the week it is to have a place to show our work.
It is a mammoth job to find the words to cover all of this artistic activity which is why I almost never say anything about what the Ole Trawler is up to.
Yes, the other shoe is about to drop, the Ole Trawler has an announcement.
My new book, the first in the Gonifs series, has just been put up on Amazon. Been a long time coming and as a first time author I’m guessing two copies would be a great sales record, but damn it it got done. So now there’s a link to the Amazon page.
No one has to buy but clicking on the link will make amazon think kindly of me.
Friday, July 9, 2021
Comon-a-my-house
Only one day left to clear your schedule and see all the wonders at Art By The Sea's open house. You want to stay at home with the Thing on the Couch and watch golf? Watch golf? Not as thrilling as grass growing. Come to Art By The Sea and be surrounded by real culture. .
Wednesday, June 30, 2021
Barndance Sound at So it Goes
DEF COUGAR MELLENCAMP TO BRING THE GOSPEL OF 1980'S BLUEGRASS TO SO IT GOES IN COOS BAY, AND ARTIST "NO CLASS ART" DEBUTS
