But it does need repeating every year or so, artists being a
very focused and centered lot, they tend to ignore anything less than a slap in
the kisser or a large object falling out of the sky.
Not having a large object handy and being a terribly
cowardly sort I’ll stick with nagging and nudging and let the bold and the
beautiful do all of the physical interventioning.
So it's that time of the year when you ought to be giving some
thought to what image you are going to use on your holiday cards. Yes, you know
you will even though the post office keeps raising the rates and you don’t
really like that branch of the family that moved to Waukegan and you’d like to
forget about them all together but then you’d have to explain to the sister who
was bitten by Emily Post sometime around high school and never recovered and
who will get royally pissed and will do the most terrifying thing in the whole
world, she’ll rat you out to your mother.
Now you don’t want to start the new year with mother mad at
you so you’ll trudge down to Wally World or Freddy’s and buy that ten dollar
box of cards with scenes of New England, (Aren’t you ashamed? New England when
the foliage around here is as turny and colorful as any New Englander and just
because Currier and Ives convinced everyone that fall only comes in New England
is no excuse for not using scenes of the fall in Oregon and why don’t you just
give up and turn in your webbed feet and buy a New England Pats sweatshirt and
then see how people treat you when you run into them at the mall when you are
out shopping!) or with the jolly old elf himself and go back to the house and
dig out the list and send them to all of those people that you don’t really
like but you don’t want your sister to get and edge so you might as well and
starting the new year with your mother mad at you is a whole lot worse than
trusting in Congress to do the right thing so you’d better get a move on before
all of the good boxes are gone and you are left with nothing but a choice
between the Simpson’s’ Santa and those snowflakes which never look like snow
flakes so you’d better get the lead out.
Now here’s a thought, why not pick out something you have
already done, get it digitized, either by taking a high quality picture with
the digital camera you bought at Goodwill cause you read yesterdays post or
scanning it in on the scanner you bought way back when I told you to go out and
buy a scanner cause they are dirt cheap and the flatbeds that everyone wants to
get rid of make so much better scans than the Mouse-centric all-in-ones. (Had
to say it that way cause Disney will get you if you use the mouse’s first name
when referring to something that is less than good and might actually be
ticky-tacky.)
And with that digital file you are ready to make up your
cards.
But wait, there’s more…
You can take that file to Staples or send it to Vistaprint
or Zazzle and they will make beautiful seasonal cards out of it and then you
won’t have to run the printer night and day and use up ten dozen ink cartridges
and have the Long Sufferin in high dudgeon about how much ink you are
squandering.
http://www.vistaprint.com/christmas-cards.aspx?GP=11%2f15%2f2013+9%3a17%3a34+PM&GPS=3010894191&GNF=0
That’s Vistaprint…
and that’s Zazzle…
and this is Staples.
And while you are there you might even glance at all of the
other things you could do with those digitized files of your art work and maybe
you’ll come up with an idea or two and get in the spirit early and get all of
your presents made up for a change and not have to run out to the mall on the
night before you know what and miss the football game because you don’t have a
present for Uncle Ebenezer and you know what happens to you if you do that so
if you don’t want to spend the whole night with a bunch of self-righteous
spirits get the ball rolling and see if you can eat, drink and be Mary, no I
suppose even though you can be Mary if you want to be in twenty-six states and
Hawaii it really should be Merry.
And…
Oh give it up, you knew there’d be one more whinge, when you
have done all of that and are ready for some serious sugar plum dancing and
deep nestling, think about this…
If you do get cards made with your art and if you do use
Zazzle they will let you make the design for sale so maybe you can recoup some
of the scheckles that you dropped getting the cards made but even better if you
do this for a coupla years then you’ll have two or three or maybe even four
designs lying around which you can have reprinted and boxed and then you can
sell the boxes just like they do at Wally World and Freddy’s and then the reindeer
will leave something besides guano on the roof and while you can make a buck or
two from reindeer guano wouldn’t it be nicer and more sanitary to take the
bucks from selling seasonal cards, seasonal cards with real art on them done by
a real starving artist who would very much not like to be so starving in the
next year?
And then you can turn up your nose and that designated
finger when someone says those foul words, Currier and Ives.
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