You’ve had it since Black Friday but you couldn’t slow down
to do anything about it and now it is a beast which won’t let you breathe or
sleep or move too far away from the box of tissues and you made the decision no
matter how much you hate it that you’ll have to go and see the doctor cause
there is no way you can afford to be out of action this month with all there
is to do and time slipping away and so you gave up your bunny slippers and
actually put on something beside sweats and went out into the cold to go to
the doctor and now you are sitting in the waiting room staring at a framed
poster of butterflies and it penetrates your muggy brain that doctors offices
always have THE WORST art and why is it that they always pick something which
no one in their right mind would even hang in the guest bathroom where no one
ever goes except when the kids come for a visit like that is every going to
happen and they wouldn’t look up even if they did so it is safe to hang the
stuff you got as a present right out of collage but haven’t even had then
courage to get rid of just because there is a chance that Great Aunt
Mahildahide will come just before she dies and you can’t risk being cut out of
her will after all of these years of sucking up.
Now don’t do it right now cause you are fighting to survive
but when the Gods of head colds finally decide to let you live remember this one
thing, professional’s offices have the worst art ever and since you are an
artist maybe you can do something about it.
It’s the holiday season and don’t you owe Doctor Jack
something so that he will actually work at keeping you alive and not part of
his other project and that would be a very good thing cause there is just no
coming back from the other plans he might have and if you butter him up with a
gift of art maybe you’ll get to see what lies in store in 2014?
You can’t do any worse than what is hanging there now and
since it is a holiday present if you do it right he’ll have to hang it cause if
he doesn’t you’ll tell all of your friends what a schmuck he is and then you’ll
move to the top of his naughty list and you know what happens to people on Dr. Jack’s naughty list?
First, after you give in and decide that this is a good
idea, think about what you’d like to see while you are waiting to find out if
that sore spot is a bruise of the first sign that you have been infected with
Ebola.
It is Coos Bay
and that means nautical scenes, but please something besides the same old
images of sailboats sitting on placid waters or tied up in the harbor with a
friendly dog waiting patiently for his master to return from the sea.
Enough already that could be bought at Kmart for less than
five bucks, wait we don’t have a Kmart any more so skip that and think Wally
World. The point is that there are themes which have been done to death and
since you are an artist it would be a good thing for you to explore new avenues
of expression.
So what do you have that is new and different and still
soothing cause you know anyone who is at the mercy of the Croaker is waiting
for the death sentence and they know it is coming which is why people sit in a
waiting room huddled in a corner not moving or talking and jump when they
finally hear their name called.
This is where all of those Currier and Ives themes which you
know you’ve been doing but are too ashamed to show could come out to play. Or
maybe you want to show your best? Okay what is like Currier and Ives but
actually has some thought in it?
You know colorful birds, we have a few around here, make
nice waiting room subjects, there are vistas enough for landscapes which would
fill the Prado and still need more room, there are sunsets or sunrises,
although I have never actually seen a sunrise voluntarily, there are elk and
squirrels and beasties of all kinds.
If you want seaside images what about all of those crab pots
or floats or buoys that are lining the docks waiting for crab season to be
opened?
What about all of the fisher guys?
My post office box is in Charleston
and I have seen enough faces etched with hard work, care and the salt to fill
any sketch book. I know that they would welcome someone wanting to paint them
once they got past the notion that they were being part of an artistic project.
Not all that manly you know.
Then there is the Coast Guard. These guys risk their lives
going out when any sensible person would be hiding in their bed with the covers
pulled up over their heads and they do it because someone else is in trouble.
That’s worth an image or two.
There are subjects all around the coast and all you have to
do is decide on one. Then you use your craft to turn it into art and give it to
your dentists for the holiday.
He might like it so much that he even uses Novocain next
time.
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