Release Me

The truth be told I'd rather get a root canal without any pain killers than have to write a bio for a show and if it's a press release or some other sort of self-promotion, just go ahead and shoot me.

But again, the truth be told you have to man-up and do it.


It's the running fear of every artist, what do you say when someone asks you to write a bio or give them a press release for the local crier.

You know as far as the newspaper is concerned the only artist worthy of space is the dead artist. Suicide is best unless you can manage to the the victim of a murder, make it a lover's tryst gone wrong with an outraged spouse and maybe some juicy mutilation thrown in and boy are you in luck!

But if you just want to promote your next show, Art Walk or a fund raiser, don't hold your breath. No, it isn't the newspaper's fault, They have the same struggles as you do, keeping the television powered and the dust mites from taking over, they have to make money and part of that is keeping the reader's eyes on the paper. There's so much competition for those eyes, Twitter, Facebook, the Internet, the television, music, radio and occasionally family. It's no wonder that the more sensational it is the more space it gets. Let's face it, how many of you read the League of Women Voter's insert before and election? But if there is a murder or Kim, Brittany or Christina falls out of her dress and shows some muchly overexposed Kardashians, that'll get you attention.

So how do you work up the intestinal fortitude to write that press release or bio.

Don't take it so seriously. Yes, it is important and you want to put your best foot forward but it isn't a nuclear arms limitation treaty. What's the worst that can happen? The paper won't print it. They might not any way. If you come on like the next best thing to sliced bread they probably won't See before you can get the public to read it, you have to get the copy editor to read it.

Copy editors are not Lew Grant, lovable but fatherly, they are mostly acid-reflux, high blood pressure and coffee. They used to smoke but of course we don't do that any more. You need to show them something different. It's the difference between saying “Behold the ART cometh” and saying, “ART: all the things they wouldn't let you see in school.”

That's right tell people that there is something dirty and secret about something and they will flock to it even if it is only a piglet that can play the flute.

But you don't want to stoop to cheap tricks you want to let your art speak for itself. That's okay but a press release isn't about art or virtue. P. T. Barnum made mountains out of mole hills and so should you, but in a kinder and gentler way. It's okay to say AWARD WINNING ARTIST if you are. Don't be shy about all of those ribbons, they don't hand them out to just anyone. There are folks who have lived and worked around here and submitted every chance they get and never won a ribbon. If you have say so.

It's okay to use a tie-in, if you are on display at the museum or the Southern Coos Hospital or Art Walk say so. If you have a show on the Internet say so. If you attract the attention of a national honors society say so. Say anything which is true and makes the copy editor spill his coffee.. That's the point, you have to make it interesting.

And the same rule applies to your bio. If it is just a collection of awards and shows, people will take one look at it, their eyes will roll back in their heads and they will loose the will to live. Make it interesting. Don't be afraid to mention something personal if it makes you stand out.

One of the best self-promoters on the South Coast is Angela Haseltine Pozzi. Now don't be fooled her art is spectacular, but when it comes to beating the drum, her drum those ain't tom-toms you hear, paleface.

Tie your news to some issue if it has relevance. Kelle Herrick has her birds, so does Kim Wurster and I hate to live on the difference in skill between those two, which is exactly why they can get that ole copy editor to sit up.

Be good. That's the starting point of all art, be good at what you do. You can't brag about being the best...unless you are. If you can do it it ain't bragging!

Be funny. Yes, not the funny fall over the foot stool pie in the face funny, but if you can make your news sound like it is fun, you'll be much more likely to get that ole copy editor to pay attention.

Get the facts right, who what where when and how, that's the newspaper creed and you need to do it just that way if you hope to get them on your side. You do want them on your side.

And if all else fails, two ounces of gin taken every fifteen minutes until you get it written or pass out will do the trick. The next morning you will be sooooo sorry and remorseful you'll take a coupla aspirins and sit down and write seriously until it is done. Better if you buckle down and do it before that last step...