Sunday, June 29, 2014

As Time Goes By

It's been a while and I admit to a bad case of the donwannas. There has just been too much to do and the days have been too bright and the nights too warm and there is no way that even a dedicated night crawler like the Ole Trawler could stay inside. Besides you know I have a new (to me) camera to play with and all sorts of wonderful bells and whistles and then there;s the ability to change lenses and that just throws gasoline on the fire and so I have been outside playing in the dirt when I should have been inside pecking away at the blog.

Then there have been those pesky little life things which have gotten under foot and in the way, the car went into the shop, the dog went into the shop and the printer, my beloved Epson Photo Printer went to the big PC in the sky.

Now as a kid of the fifties being without a car is just about the WORST thing which can happen. I mean, maim me, beat, me, disfigure me but leave my keys alone. The first thing any red, white and blue bloodied boy of the fifties wanted was his driver's license.

And you know why. That's right, living at home, under the watchful eye of the parents there was never going to be an nookie getting.

Don't start that with me, you know in your heart of hearts that ya'll wimmen wanted that nookie getting just as much as the guys. Okay, maybe not just as much but pretty much and if the guy didn't have a car there was no place for you to defend your honor until you were ready to give it up and let him have his way with you, so long as he was thoughtful, clean, generous and practiced safe sex.

Back then there was no clinic so you had to make sure you didn't need the morning after pill and there was no pill, morning after or not and practicing safe sex involved a lot of prayer and sacrifice and blood, sweat and tears, lots of tears, but without that diver's license it was all a bunch of day dreams anyway so the first step was getting your hands on the car.

All that was before car payments, gas bills, (gas was 29 cents a gallon), insurance and city, state and fed tax and then probably license and inspection fees so all we thought about was the steamed up windows at the drive in. You fibber! You do know about steaming up windows at the drive in. Maybe it was the submarine races or the nightbird hunts or the constellation counts but you did it and you know you did.

So losing the car was a fate worse than walking. Sure you're married and don't have to hunt up a backwoods road or a dark park even though that can be fun if you don't mind the off chance of making it on to YouTube. So there I was putting the car in the shop and sweating bullets until I decided to rent a car.

If Congress had to pass as much inspection when they voted a Bill into law we'd have a lot fewer laws. You have to have a credit card, insurance which will completely cover any deductible and then you have to agree to fill the tank with gas, mind all the scratches and keep all of the original equipment in its right and proper place all while not eating, drinking or doing any other legal or illegal act which might cause alteration or damage to the vehicle. Sort of takes all the fun right out of it?

Assuming you get the car then you actually have to drive it. Do you know how hard it is to drive a car you have never driven before after years of getting into ole Blue and just sticking the keys in and letting the car do the rest? And then it rained..

Can't speak for you, but driving a rented car in the rain is just what I need to make my system squench.

So I had a rented car and headed back to the ranch where I try to work on my novel which I have been putting off since I fell into the hand of the Croakers and my printer goes belly up. Okay it was an old printer. I don't even remember when I bought it. It was an Epson photo printer and that makes it wonderful for a photographer and there is just no way any other printer can do as well and I have just bought five new ink cartridges and they cost as much as the rented car in the drive and now they were useless and I'd have to get used to buying new cartridges and that was another story anyway, but there I was needing to print out three hundred pages and I had no printer.

So I got on the Net, I could still do Internet searches without a printer, but that was about all, and went to work. I narrowed it down to about half a dozen printers some of which I could afford and some of which I wanted and tried to find one in the middle.

You see for me a printer has to be good at both printing text, (Not verbage, yuck what a horrible wordette!) and photos. I do a lot of both and if the printer can't handle the two jobs I'm in a lot of trouble.

Now that wonderful shiny Epson WorkForce 7010 would be just what the doctor ordered but the $200 dollar price tag was a bit out of my reach so what else could I find? Oh my that WorkForce all-in-one XP-950 makes my mouth water but I'd never get the Long Sufferin to stand still for $300. No, better set my sights a little lower, now that WorkForce 2540 has most of what I want, but it uses a three tank color system and I don't know that that will be good enough.

Bought it anyway and at $89 it sailed through Long Sufferin approval and went straight to my computer.

Of course then there's the process of setting it up before you can print with and see if you've done it right or have a bright, pretty boat anchor.

The damn thing set up so quickly I was left with nothing but the manual and a silly smile. In fact I set it up with the wireless connection and connected my computer, the Long Sufferin's computer, the Long Sufferin's laptop and after a bit of blood, toil, tears and sweat, along with a liberal selection of violent swearing I connected it to my Ubuntu laptop and still had time to run a test print and see if the thing would actually print.

Turns out it does that too, so I am after a bit of gut-wrenching anxiety back in the printer business and all I have to do now is learn all of the bells and whistles of this modern technowonder.

And finally I could actually sit down and write for this blog with the understanding that the words would come out as I planned.

Which brings me to the present. Now that I am able to write and have all of the tools to write with and the inclination to write, what do I write about? Good question but fortunately I have an answer. I am going to tell you how to make the postcards you need for the Art by the Sea postcard show and do it all on your trusty computer and do it with just one piece of software and the help of the nice folks at Xerox which is a trademarked name and not a description of what the folks do and when you say that you are going to take your painting down to Staples and Xerox it on one of their color copiers you are in violation of the U.S. Trademark statutes and while it is possible to do art from prison you will miss out on all of those openings where the public comes to oh and ah over your work and tell you all of those wonderful things about how brilliant you are and so the next time you make a copy on a machine made by Xerox remember it is a photocopy and not a Xerox.

Now let's get the ball rolling, you want to go to and go to the download page and download Photoscape.

And if you have the time and some extra cash you can go to Amazon and buy a package of Xerox 3R11458 Semi-gloss 80 lb paper. Yes, Staples can probably order it for you or even the Office Supply downtown.

Do that and install Photoscape and we'll do the rest tomorrow,

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