Okay, show of hands please, how many of
you hate your camera's flash?
Yes, except for that guy in the back
with the photo vest and the tripod lashed across his shoulders, we
all hate the flash on our cameras. No, there are no exceptions, every
one of them from the simplest Point'n'Shoot to the DSLR with the
price tag like the next stimulus package, we all hate the flash that
comes with our cameras.
And I'll make another bet with you,
even those of you who shelled out the bucks for an off-camera flash
hate it, absolutely hate it.
And why not, when you try to get a
picture in close it's too bright and when you step back it's too dark
and you're left standing there with your hands yanking out tufts of
hair and the bride, (If you are unlucky) screaming you've ruined her
wedding or (If you're lucky) watching the red-tailed hawk which
you've been trying to get a shot of for the last three years, (for me
it's a great blue heron that lives in Charleston and only comes out
when I am fifteen minutes late for a doctor's appointment have don't
have anything like a camera anywhere near and I could just scream),
fly gracefully away while you weep bitter tears. There are variations
on this stuff, the kid does a wonder thing or the cat plays chess on
the computer or the wife wins the garden club prize for her begonia,
but the result is the same, you didn't get the picture and you are
rat pooh.
Oh yeah and then there's the endless
yanking of your chain by every rube with a Polaroid moldering away in
the attic where it hasn't been touched since film was actually made
for it or when Ike was in office and of course all of these guys know
every trick in the flash book and have never missed a shot and will
soon be publishing a self-help book on their very own flash secrets.
And you know what you do, you tape the
flash down so that it won't shoot and never again take a picture
except when it is bright and sunny or when there are flood lights so
hot you lose fifteen pounds standing in their glare for two and a
half minutes. You take that flash you paid extra, homogeneous dollars
for, (The manufacturers know all about you and they see you coming
and they price the off-camera flash units according to your
frustration level, simple no better than the pop-up on the camera for
twenty bucks, the better, but so loaded with dials and gizmos that
you can't get two shots in a row in less than half an hour for fifty
bucks and the amazing dollar destroying unit for a hundred dollars
which has more computer power than the first Mercury launch, and all
of the bells and whistles cause now they can get the whole room full
of computers on the back of a two inch square flash), and with a deep
breath throw it with all of your might into the nearest drawer or
closet never to be seen again.
Yeah, there isn't anything more evil
than a camera flash which isn't elected to Congress.
And for those of you who are still
dewy-eyed and wet behind the ears, this is a VAST improvement over
the old Thristor models of the way-back when I started shooting. Back
then you did actually have to have an advanced degree in math to do
the calculations to come up with the setting for the flash, which
wouldn't be any better than the way things are now except instead of
letting the computer on the flash make all of the mistakes for you,
you had to do the work and still get it wrong.
So how do we find a detente where we
can live and work with a flash without spending the next ten years
and half a hundred thousand dollars in therapy
First do what I have repeatedly asked
you to do and get a real, honest-to-God camera with controls and
menus and adjustments so that when something goes really wrong with
your pictures you can fix it.
And there is no better time than right
now. I'm sure you have noticed there is a Pandemic going on and that
makes any kind of transaction more complicated than bigamy with five
wives. No one is selling much and there are even fewer buyers and
that kids is a very good thing for you cause you can leap in and get
a real bargin.
There are three DSLR cameras, older
models to be sure but right now you can put on in your hands for less
than a hundred and fifty dollars. Now, c'mon the nasty little
Point'n'Shoot you got last Christmas and still don't use cause you
have a camera in your phone, which isn't worth diddly, but you love
it cause you have it with you all of the time and it is so easy and
you don't have to learn or think and that is what you worked so hard
to grow up for so you wouldn't have to learn anything any more.
These three cameras, all DSLRs with
all of the good stuff and you can get them for, under one hundred and
fifty dollars! The Pentax K-x a 12.4 megapixel and my personal
favorite for $100. A Canon 1Ti for $100 and Nikon D90 for around
$100,(Although some go for around $150 but that's the price you pay
for a Nikon)
The Canon 1Ti is a fifteen megapixel
camera and the Nikon like the Pentax is a 12.3 megapixel camera. But
all of these will do more than you can and they will do it for a lot
longer and they can improve as you learn how to use them.
And one of the things which they can
do—is adjust the flash power!
Oh yes, they can actually reduce the
bang when you fire that flash and save the eyeballs of your victim,
subject from being fried.
The Pentax K-x is the easiest. On the
Mode dial, the wheel on the back of your camera, look for the little
lightning bolt at the bottom. This is the key to take you to the
flash adjust, and once you are there you can select all sorts of
things, but one of them is the intensity of the flash.
Now this is a subjective choice, but I
think most units can be powered down by at least a half. Try it and
if it seems too dark you can always power it back up. The folks in
front of the flash will thank you for it.
The self-timer is almost as easy. Look
for the clock at the top of the Mode wheel and there it is. Not much
to do once you get in, Pentax only gives you 12 seconds and 2, but 12
is long enough to trip the shutter and get around and back into the
frame. I can't think of what you would do with 2 seconds but I'm sure
there is a reason.
Canon makes all of this a bit more
challenging. (Got to justify the price), but if you look you can find
it. It is hidden in the menus so you have to press the menu button
and then go to the second yellow wrench and click. At the bottom of
this menu there is a Flash Control, click it. On the next menu click
on the Built-in flash func. setting and finally on the Flash exp.
Comp menu where you will see a line graph with plus or minus values
and set your cursor at minus one.
The self-timer is simplicity itself. On
the Mode dial there is a clock and that is the entry point for the
self-timer. Once you are in there is only one slight bump, the
setting you want is the one which says remote use. I know you aren't
but it is so play along.
And finally, the High-priced Spread,
the Nikon. Find the custom setting menu and near the bottom of the
list is Bracketing/flash. The second item on the e menu, oddly enough
e2 Flash cntrl for built-in flash, Manual, on the next menu select
the strangely reasonable ¼ setting. You may need to adjust this but
it is a good starting point.
And while you are here anyway take a
look at the c menu timers/AE lock and on the third c item self-timer
you'll find the setting for the little devil.
So there you have it the deeply
mysterious secret of how to reduce the flash on your real camera so
that you don't take pictures looking like an illegitimate offspring
of a Driver's License and a Mug Shot. And you can set the self-timer
and get into the frame yourself and have a picture that you are proud
of a not something that even an eighties Polaroid would be ashamed of
and have a selfie that makes all of those phone shots look like they
came out of a photo booth at the Adult Toy store where the little old
men in the rain coats lurk
And this is just one of the reasons why
you owe it to yourself to get a real camera. A good DSLR will grow
with you as you learn and use more of its features and when you are
trying desperately to get that once in a lifetime shot you will have
enough camera to do it.
So set aside your fears and embrace the
flash and learn to love and adore it and carry it with you on that
good camera and even in the Time of Plague you will have learned
something new and have a sense of pride and accomplishment.
